Group Dynamics
So I am in Duncan for the weekend to play in a golf tournament. This tournament is a big deal, a really really big deal. Most people pay the $275 to play in it just for the free beer, but not me, I'm grinding out every shot trying to figure out how to win the dang thing so I can make my money back. It has evaded me thus far, but I'm still trying.
Thursday night marks the unofficial beginning to the weekend. In my opinion, I think that the people over at the country club put out a few kegs of beer on this night just to see who will show up. I knew I was going to get my money's worth when I saw the crew that was rolling in tonight. There were a few guys that I played high school golf with, one of who can probably drink a 20 pack and not even feel it(whereas if I had half that, I wouldnt be able to feel my face) and a few others who aren't too far behind. Then there were a few guys that were older than me who I think are married with kids, but I guess they left them behind at the house?? (note to self- not a good move if you want to stay married for any length of time) Then there were a few girls who have 'hovered' around Duncan since high school and who don't have a real legitimate chance of getting out of here unless the rapture comes, and still then they might be left behind... (see the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye for more anecdotal humor).
But in all seriousness, I love this place. Usually for about a week at a time, about twice a year. I have to take Duncan in small doses now, because outside of seeing my family, it can be pretty depressing. Lots of small children who belong to former classmates, lots of stories about people being in and out of rehab, and a few success stories lingering here and there that involve college and jobs and things of that nature.
But we're getting a Chili's. Thats the best thing thats happened to Duncan since the Golden Corral.
Its Been A Long Time Coming...
Amidst all of the hate mail I have been receiving for not making more posts to my blog, I am doing it. And I lied about the hate mail thing, no one sent me crap, but thats okay. I have been in Florida for 2 weeks, and now in Duncan, OK for the last week. My little brother was married last Saturday to Holly Nelson here in Duncan. It was a great time, other than the ceremony.
The minister got up there and delivered THE SINGLE WORST wedding ceremony I have ever heard. It was embarassing to Chris and Holly, my parents, her parents, and my mom has heard of 5 families leaving this man's congregation because of some things that he said. He kept exalting our parents as if they were deity, and then he spoke of Chris and Holly in such glowing terms, that he acted as if he had never done a wedding between two believers before. It was quite painful.
But I miss Duncan, well, for the most part. There's not too many places where you drive in and in the first 5 minutes, you see a girl in denim coveralls. There also aren't too many places where you play golf and everyone has their own ice chest custom made on the side of their golf cart with a 12-pack of beer that he will drink in a single round alone. Lots of really loud pick-ups, lots of really loud stereos, a handful of lowriders, which are my favorite. In high school, there was this lowrider club called "Sweet Temptations". They all had this logo stamped on their back windshields. I don't know what the requirements for entrance were, but maybe it was just that something on the car had to be loud, really really loud. Muffler, speakers, it didn't matter, but one qualification, it had to be sweet.
I used to want loud speakers in my car. But I figured that I'd save the thousand dollars and go sit in the passenger seat of my buddy's car and let it shake me crazy. It did, lots of times. We played lots of uplifting music like Easy E, TooShort, 2Pac, Westside Connection, and assorted other treasures. Those CDs have the Explicit Lyrics stamp on the front for a reason without a doubt. Thats the tangent of the year, i better go to sleep before I say something i regret.
I'll buy back in.....again
It seems like my most recent posts have been pretty serious. Well, in the words of Kip, "I guess you could say it's gettin' pretty serious." I think that a pronounced time of not being around Matt Howell has quieted my creative juices, but lo, that all comes to an end on Thursday when we go to Florida for RUF training.
Here's my thought, I love to gamble. I love to gamble. I love to gamble. Gambling is not good for me, yet I love to gamble. I think that when I gamble, I sin, because I don't just do it to enjoy being around the guys. Well, that's not entirely true, but I sure don't enjoy them nearly as much as I enjoy the thought of potentially winning money. Many of you who know me, know this about me. This is no new problem for me. I began gambling on the golf course when I was but a pup. Probably 9th grade or so. I'd play about 8 rounds of golf/week in the summer with the possibility of winning or losing about $100 each round, although it was usually more in the $40 range. Since I have not been playing golf as much, and since I have turned 21, I have managed several trips to casinos (Kansas City, Mississippi, Louisiana, Vegas-but not since I have been living off of support, breathe supporters), and I have only walked out of there with money 1 time. I have also played $5 poker with the students here at Vandy several times, have played online poker and craps (are you kidding me? sadly no), and have never won. So that brings my grand total (and this is an estimate, but not too far off) to 1/100 on times that I have won gambling post-golf-years. I'm not going to try and guess how much has been lost, but its in the several thousands easy. That's really ridiculous. And I'm sitting on my couch, after losing at poker, just like I do every time, and I tell myself that I am finished gambling. No more, no mas.
But it's really not easy for me, because the thought of making easy money is so appealing to me, it always has been. But it doesn't take a genius at all to figure out the odds on me winning. If people were smart, they would play the odds of me losing. They'd win, nearly 100% of the time. Can you see why I think it is sin for me to gamble? There is the obvious one about me not being a good steward, I know. But is it normal that when I am driving down the road I seriously consider driving 4 hours to Tunica, Mississippi to play poker and probably just sleep in my car. The gas alone would be $60, and the poker would probably be about $100 more. Maybe I need to call the hotline for people who have gambling problems. Maybe I need to actually repent and mean it, and decline an invitation to go 'play poker with the guys' (which I have never done, decline that is). I have actually found myself being kind of upset that I am not driving home from summer conference because I can't stop at the casino's in mississippi and louisiana. I am a ridiculous mess. I bet on sports in college, and you guessed it, lost. It happens every fall, i want to bet on football games, and its really not easy for me not to. Some people who read this have no idea what I am talking about, and some of you will. I clearly am looking to money and the thought of winning money to make me happy in some way. It won't, it never will. I have to trust Christ to make me not love money so much, and to change my attitude about making easy money. I have tried to quit on my own, and as many times, I have failed on my own. I have not believed the gospel because my attitude is to feel really guilty after gambling(which = losing) and tell myself that I won't do it again. I think I tried this method in making out with girlfriends. Pretty sure that didn't work either. My strength, my ability to not gamble is in Christ. This really is an addiction for me. I need Christ, I need the body to help me.
