Brerah

thankful

This morning, I am thankful that God is both sovereign and good, and I am thankful that He has brought me to a place of (semi) believing this. I was traveling yesterday from North Carolina to Oklahoma by plane, and I had prayed for opportunities to encounter people, whether they be Christian or non-Christian during my time traveling (that sounds futuristic).

So, on the 2nd leg of my trip yesterday I sat next to a guy my age and we got to talking. Within minutes, the obligatory "what do you do?" question surfaced. I explained that I was in seminary. The conversation continued. He later brought up and asked if I wanted to be a pastor. "Yes, of a college sort." "What made you want to do that?" "I really think that students at that age need some grounding, and what a better time to reach them than when they are learning everything else about life?" The conversation continued and I realized that he grew up Catholic, his wife Lutheran, but he wanted to raise their kids in the Catholic church, "because it is what he knows." The conversation trailed off...

What I later realized is that I responded to an inquiry about my call into ministry by some formulaic answer instead of saying something about how the Lord had rescued me from
my sin and tendency to despair and doubt so much in life (though I assure you, these doubts still loom large). And as soon as the Catholic topic came up, my mind wandered about as to see how it is that I could demolish his Catholicism and convince him of Protestantism...rather than say, pointing him to Jesus?

So I went 0 for 2. And it didn't feel good. I momentarily questioned my calling, but then realized that God is sovereign, and that perhaps He was just teaching me that these are the veins in the boulders of people's lives that we look for as Christians. Those seemingly insignificant cracks into the heart and soul of who people are. Opportunities to go in and explore. But I am so untrained and ill-equipped in the moutaineering of people's souls, that I failed to see the cracks on which to take hold. Alas, I blew it. And that's okay. God can and does work outside of my vain desires to "help" people, probably to make me feel good at worst, but for salvation and redemption at best. Is the reason I want to pastor people because I think it is a good idea? or has the God and Creator of this world made Himself known to me by great humility and service and life-giving on my (and many others...gotcha! how's that for countering American individualism!) behalf. Probably both, but on my better days, I truly believe it is the latter. I believe, help my unbelief.

posted by corbs @ 7:28 AM