Costco
I have been to Costco and Lowes and Home Depot more than is good for my soul in recent months. We figured a few things when we bought a house and moved to Charlotte. Thing #1) if Costco gas is on average $.06 cheaper per gallon than the cheapest gas station in Charlotte. On average if we fill up both of our cars once every 2 weeks (which it is usually about 1.5 times per 2 weeks), so because of that last parentheses, we will figure 1.5 times per 2 weeks, that makes 36 gallons x 1.5 times per 2 weeks x 26 2-week periods in the year= 1,404 gallons per year, and at $.06 savings per gallon, that equals $84.24, which covers the $50 membership fee. So we win right? Right. Because one of our favorite things to do is stop in at the Costco on the way home from church and hit the samples pretty hard. You get numerous types of goodness, and Sundays are the best. Today, we had almonds, black pepper pecan mix, strawberry jelly on toast, pretzels, vegetable medley, sausage, bourbon chicken, healthy choice popsicles, chicken potstickers, brie cheese, another kind of cheese that was gross, clearly canadian-esque water (do yall remember that stuff?), and oh yes, the lobster spread.
The lobster spread deserves its own paragraph. This station is a Sunday staple. The rest of the stations rotate bi-weekly or so, but not the Lobster spread. It is as predictable as a wife beaters and beer at a Nascar race. It's just there. And so the Corbins love to be there as well. You take the first rectangle club cracker with the delectable spread and give the usual head-nod and acknowledgement of its good taste to the server as you walk past, already beginning to plot your second trip. On the second trip, sometimes I will engage the server and maybe ask a question or 2 about the ingredients or how to optimally prepare the offering (lobster spread= 70% Maine lobster, and the remainder is Mayo and spices), and the optimal serving would be on anything as the server suggests, but crackers work just fine for us. Today Sarah brought another 2nd cracker trick to the table. I watched from behind the server as Sarah went back for #2 and actually went and picked up the pint sized tub of lobster spread and engaged the servers as she turned the container, pretending to be reading, and of course eating #2. After another compliment to the server and perhaps asking where the product is in the refrigerators (though not a good idea with the lobster spread since it is right in front of the server, hence, them knowing if you place it in the cart or not), you walk off. #3 is a bit less tricky, and much less engaging. Usually if you have committed to #3, you are already planning an exit for how to get past the server without ever making eye contact, with no plans of continued shopping in fears of the Costco police coming to get you for taking too many samples. You simply walk past the station, grabbing a cracker in stride and vector your cart for the front of the store.
But my theory is that you can never buy the spread. It will ruin the auora(sp?) around it. Its like moving to Colorado to enjoy the mountains. For some reason, when you can have something that you really look forward to every day, then it just changes. So, even though Sarah does not know this, I would have an ethical dilemma with buying the lobster spread. I just couldn't do it. Sorry Costco, we will continue to eat your wonderfully enticing lobster spread, but its on your dime, not ours.
My Wife=the joker (which consequently means I am the joked)
April fools day has come and gone in all of its infamy in the Charlotte version of the Corbin household. Normally I hear of a few funny jokes either on the radio talk shows or perhaps from friends. Not so this year.
For the past several weeks, leading up to April 1, Sarah has been feeling kind of crummy, and had many reasons for doing so (allergies, warm/cold spells in weather, and a few others). However, last weekend was especially telling of her sickness. She woke up around 5:30am on both Saturday and Sunday mornings and would go to the bathroom. This was not normal. She would come back to bed and tell me, in the midst of my delirium, that she was feeling very nauseated and that she was having different pains in her body. I did not know what to do but told her that we could go to the doctor or anything else that seemed appropriate to her. She decided to wait and see if the acute nausea, etc. would pass.
So on Sunday morning, she lay in bed after waking so early and throwing up in the bathroom for a while (or so she tells me, I was asleep). I was getting ready for church and she called me back to the bedroom to look at something. She had the computer open to a page of diagnosis' for what her conditions seemed to be. There were several options, many of which were not very appealing, and last of which was, you guessed it, pregnancy. The idea of pregnancy holds a wierd place in my life right now. I want kids, I want kids badly, it just scares the crap out of me to think that we can/should have kids right now as I am about to be a full time student and not working with no apparent income. So there it was, the P word was floating around again. Sarah and I decided that we would take a pregnancy test after church (I didn't want to sit through church knowing that we were either pregnant or she was sick with something else).
After church we declined a lunch invitiation to rush home and take this test. Sarah scooted off to the bathroom as I nervously made lunch in the kitchen. She joined me in the kitchen and said that she hadn't looked yet, but that it was sitting on the bathroom vanity. With arms locked we walked into the bathroom. I grabbed the test and asked her what the two indications were. She said that 1 bar meant not pregnant, so I assumed 2 bars meant pregnant.
I turned it over, and there were 2 bars. I nearly passed out. I had to go sit on the couch to keep from doing so or from collapsing or something else. I was speechless except that Sarah kept wanting me to talk and tell her how I was feeling. I was excited/scared/excited/scared/etc. I didn't know how to feel as this, for sure, was a first for me. She was crying in nervousness and feeling responsible for the pregnancy, and it was in general just a really hard situation. She was crying, I was freaking out. It was a tense situation to say the least.
It all made sense, the nausea, the body aches, everything made sense. We were having a baby.
And then it came. "April Fools."
It wasn't possible, Sunday was March 31, I knew it was for I had just written it on our tithe check that morning. And even if it was April 1 as the church's bulletin around the corner had indicated, this couldn't be a joke. I said, "if this is an april fool's joke, I'm going on a long ride by myself."
"Pinky promise me." the promise followed. "Promise to me on our marriage." the promise came. I was pissed. She had gotten me so well, I didn't know what to do except for be really mad.
You see, my wife had gone through much trouble to pull this off. She had a friend of ours who is pregnant take the pregnancy test, hence the 2 bars. She had filled her mouth with water while pretending to throw up in the bathroom. The nausea was all a joke, certain other symptoms were as well. It was well thought out, and well articulated, and after all is said and done, I give her props for what she did, however harsh it was at the time.
