Brerah

I'll buy back in.....again

It seems like my most recent posts have been pretty serious. Well, in the words of Kip, "I guess you could say it's gettin' pretty serious." I think that a pronounced time of not being around Matt Howell has quieted my creative juices, but lo, that all comes to an end on Thursday when we go to Florida for RUF training.

Here's my thought, I love to gamble. I love to gamble. I love to gamble. Gambling is not good for me, yet I love to gamble. I think that when I gamble, I sin, because I don't just do it to enjoy being around the guys. Well, that's not entirely true, but I sure don't enjoy them nearly as much as I enjoy the thought of potentially winning money. Many of you who know me, know this about me. This is no new problem for me. I began gambling on the golf course when I was but a pup. Probably 9th grade or so. I'd play about 8 rounds of golf/week in the summer with the possibility of winning or losing about $100 each round, although it was usually more in the $40 range. Since I have not been playing golf as much, and since I have turned 21, I have managed several trips to casinos (Kansas City, Mississippi, Louisiana, Vegas-but not since I have been living off of support, breathe supporters), and I have only walked out of there with money 1 time. I have also played $5 poker with the students here at Vandy several times, have played online poker and craps (are you kidding me? sadly no), and have never won. So that brings my grand total (and this is an estimate, but not too far off) to 1/100 on times that I have won gambling post-golf-years. I'm not going to try and guess how much has been lost, but its in the several thousands easy. That's really ridiculous. And I'm sitting on my couch, after losing at poker, just like I do every time, and I tell myself that I am finished gambling. No more, no mas.

But it's really not easy for me, because the thought of making easy money is so appealing to me, it always has been. But it doesn't take a genius at all to figure out the odds on me winning. If people were smart, they would play the odds of me losing. They'd win, nearly 100% of the time. Can you see why I think it is sin for me to gamble? There is the obvious one about me not being a good steward, I know. But is it normal that when I am driving down the road I seriously consider driving 4 hours to Tunica, Mississippi to play poker and probably just sleep in my car. The gas alone would be $60, and the poker would probably be about $100 more. Maybe I need to call the hotline for people who have gambling problems. Maybe I need to actually repent and mean it, and decline an invitation to go 'play poker with the guys' (which I have never done, decline that is). I have actually found myself being kind of upset that I am not driving home from summer conference because I can't stop at the casino's in mississippi and louisiana. I am a ridiculous mess. I bet on sports in college, and you guessed it, lost. It happens every fall, i want to bet on football games, and its really not easy for me not to. Some people who read this have no idea what I am talking about, and some of you will. I clearly am looking to money and the thought of winning money to make me happy in some way. It won't, it never will. I have to trust Christ to make me not love money so much, and to change my attitude about making easy money. I have tried to quit on my own, and as many times, I have failed on my own. I have not believed the gospel because my attitude is to feel really guilty after gambling(which = losing) and tell myself that I won't do it again. I think I tried this method in making out with girlfriends. Pretty sure that didn't work either. My strength, my ability to not gamble is in Christ. This really is an addiction for me. I need Christ, I need the body to help me.

posted by corbs @ 11:54 PM