Brerah

This is not a joke. Repeat, not a joke

2008-07-31T23:45:00.002-05:00

If I had grown up anywhere except for Oklahoma, then I might have thought a story on the evening news last night was a joke. And to be sure, it is the very reason that people in more progressive parts of our country legitimately ask me if it is still like the cowboys and Indians days where people ride on horses, etc.

I looked up from the computer during the 10'o-clock news last night and there was a man dressed to the 9's in his full Indian garb talking about how he wanted to halt construction because they were encroaching on an ancient medicinal land for the tribe he belongs to. Headfeathers, beaded breastplate, decorated war stick. I am not kidding, I thought if I were someone from NYC and I happened to be in OKC and I happened to turn on the news, I would probably not believe what I was seeing on the news. It was almost an out of body experience watching it. Heck, and I grew up with this stuff. Heck, and I'm Indian (Native American).

thankful

2008-07-28T07:28:00.002-05:00

This morning, I am thankful that God is both sovereign and good, and I am thankful that He has brought me to a place of (semi) believing this. I was traveling yesterday from North Carolina to Oklahoma by plane, and I had prayed for opportunities to encounter people, whether they be Christian or non-Christian during my time traveling (that sounds futuristic).

So, on the 2nd leg of my trip yesterday I sat next to a guy my age and we got to talking. Within minutes, the obligatory "what do you do?" question surfaced. I explained that I was in seminary. The conversation continued. He later brought up and asked if I wanted to be a pastor. "Yes, of a college sort." "What made you want to do that?" "I really think that students at that age need some grounding, and what a better time to reach them than when they are learning everything else about life?" The conversation continued and I realized that he grew up Catholic, his wife Lutheran, but he wanted to raise their kids in the Catholic church, "because it is what he knows." The conversation trailed off...

What I later realized is that I responded to an inquiry about my call into ministry by some formulaic answer instead of saying something about how the Lord had rescued me from
my sin and tendency to despair and doubt so much in life (though I assure you, these doubts still loom large). And as soon as the Catholic topic came up, my mind wandered about as to see how it is that I could demolish his Catholicism and convince him of Protestantism...rather than say, pointing him to Jesus?

So I went 0 for 2. And it didn't feel good. I momentarily questioned my calling, but then realized that God is sovereign, and that perhaps He was just teaching me that these are the veins in the boulders of people's lives that we look for as Christians. Those seemingly insignificant cracks into the heart and soul of who people are. Opportunities to go in and explore. But I am so untrained and ill-equipped in the moutaineering of people's souls, that I failed to see the cracks on which to take hold. Alas, I blew it. And that's okay. God can and does work outside of my vain desires to "help" people, probably to make me feel good at worst, but for salvation and redemption at best. Is the reason I want to pastor people because I think it is a good idea? or has the God and Creator of this world made Himself known to me by great humility and service and life-giving on my (and many others...gotcha! how's that for countering American individualism!) behalf. Probably both, but on my better days, I truly believe it is the latter. I believe, help my unbelief.

It's been a long december...

2008-05-09T12:07:00.005-05:00

Not that anyone will read this, but for my own exoneration, i must post. it has been more than 5 months since my last. I have thought of a few things since then, and so i will share.

1) Due to some recent occurrences in my life, i have recently been asking the question: what do i do when someone says something they think is funny (very obviously so through their own hysteria) and I don't. Do i laugh even when it doesn't feel good? (this is a post that i started and now I have no idea what it refers to. can't remember who thought they were funny or anything. joke's on me i guess).

2) But I do remember this one. The extra 'O' as i entitled it. When i began writing papers this April, I noticed a new friend in my life. It was an extra 'o' (the letter 'oh') in any word that regularly contained an o. For instance, i frequently wrote youo instead of you, and I'm g-chatting with a friend right now, and I wrote foro instead of 'for.' It is incredibly annoying, especially when considering that in my last 5 weeks, i have written over 55 pages in papers. That is alot of extra 'o's i assure you. It kind of pisses me off actually. very annoying. my spell check earned its keep to say the least.

3)rest. this is something that I did not do from August-April. not really at all. I worked non-stop. worked myself into the ground really. i justified working on the house after church on Sundays (and every other day, really) as it not really being 'work.' I considered only bank work and school work to be actual 'work' (what a legalist, right?), while in reality, the house project was my #1 idol. I gave it everything, and it took it too. and it didn't give me much back. what a false God. so typical of our idols, they promise us everything, the demand everything of us, and they give us nothing in return. i shouldn't be surprised, and I'm not.

but i have rested these last 4 weeks on Sunday, and it has been wonderful. I re-met my wife and discovered that we are on the same team after all. I have learned more about my idols of performance and approval than i ever wanted to. i have felt rested, and at the same time very very tired (probably a hangover from the previous 8 months). i am grateful that school is over for the semester, that is for sure.

and i hoope (that shouldn't have 2 o's. see poiont 2 above. neither should that word) that there are more of these little post toasties forthcoming.

It's almost time

2008-05-06T13:18:00.002-05:00

Just give me a few weeks, and you'll get the new me. Fresh posts from fresh compost. I promise you won't be disappointed (well you may, but that's not a good way to get people to check your blog). May 21 is the day. Not a moment too soon, nor a day too late. Its just the right time. You'll see.

Is it true?

2007-12-06T13:24:00.001-06:00

"Is everything sad going to come untrue?" - Sam, Lord of the Rings, the Return of the King.

I could get into a long post here about God destryoying my idols, but i will save that for a rainy day. But what you see above is a passing mark on our electrical inspection for the addition to our house. If you don't know, I wired the addition by myself, but ran into an (God-appointed, I believe) unbelievably picky electrical inspector who disapproved our electrical inspection 5, yes count 5 times before she passed us today. I had 3 different licensed electricians come by and check it out before we received the passing mark this time. I'm so thankful, now I get to learn how to install insulation!!!!! (but not until after my exams of coure)

A well-grounded suspicion

2007-09-24T07:20:00.000-05:00

I consider myself to be fairly handy around the house. Part of the reason for this is that I really like to fix things and figure out how to fix things, and another part is that I am cheap. I have a really hard time knowing that the minute the service guy for whatever (A/C, Plumbing, Electrician) steps into your home, his clock is ticking at $100+ per hour.

This morning confirmed all my suspicions and will enforce my hesitancy with calling any of these people ever again.

Yesterday we noticed that the pilot light on our water heater was not staying lit, which consequently means that we have no hot water. I went and re-lit it once and it seemed to work fine. Last night comes, and we notice no hot water, and so sure enough when I check the pilot light, it is off.

This morning I decided to call the plumbers to come out and fix this problem. I had opened the manual for our hot water heater and found out what was wrong (the thermo-coupler was bad) and so I told the plumbing-receptionist over the phone that this was the problem (so as to avoid any unneccessary $100/hr labor charges in diagnosing the problem). She informed me that they charged $115/hr (holy crap!!) and that the part would be $30-$40. I'm resigned to the fact that we need hot water, and so I'm ready to spend this.

Then I get on the internet and find that replacing a thermo-coupler takes about 2 minutes and the part costs about $10.

About 30 seconds after reading this, I'm on the way to the Home Depot to buy one of these, and within 15 total minutes, the new thermo-coupler is installed (literally it takes 2 minutes to take the old one off and put the new one on) for a grand total of $10.63, plus the cost of driving 1.3 miles to home depot. I consider it to be negligible.

And so onward I march in my quest to never be scammed by service technicians again.

Broken Lives

2007-09-02T22:25:00.000-05:00

Amazingly, my trip to my hometown this weekend is no different than previous ones. It brings out all kinds of thoughts and emotions. As usual, I ran in to many people that I know and I would like to share a few of their stories:

Friend #1- Middle aged man, wife recently passed away due to brain tumor. He used to be a calm drunk, now he is a raging drunk.

Friend #2- Younger than me, was an alcoholic in high school. No different now.

Friend #3- Younger than me, finalizing a divorce soon. Brother and sister are drug addicts.

Friend #4- My age, moving in with his girlfriend/baby's mother. Will get married soon, according to his father.

Friend #5- Was a good friend's girlfriend in high school. Was married for only a few months and then found out husband was cheating on her. Now divorced and engaged to be remarried. I will comment on a conversation with her later.

So you might be thinking that this post is about how terrible all of them are and how good I am, after all that is how it is looking. Well, you're partly right. It is not about how good I am, but rather about how good I sometimes feel around these people. I can't help but think that my life is pretty much in order. I'm doing things 'the right way' and surely haven't fallen into any of the BIG sins like they have. And then comes Sunday of our trip.

If you know me, you know that I don't need much encouragement in feeling pretty good about myself. In fact, I am probably the biggest Pharisee that you know, whether or not you know it. I am that whitewashed tomb that Jesus talked about. Going out of my way to position myself well before others, all the while trapping myself in lies about my own goodness. One of my favorite ways of doing this is to think and tell others that I am something that I'm not. I played in a golf tournament this weekend, and I played in the championship flight, because you know, I am a GOOD golfer. I was a good golfer in high school, and I got 2nd in a tournament after college, and I generally can beat most people I play with. I love being a good golfer, and if you don't watch it, I'll occassionally brag a little about it.

Sunday comes and I was scheduled to play in the morning round, and I did. I shot a 94. If you are unfamiliar with golf, that is a good round for people who don't play much or simply haven't had the time or opportunity to work on their game. But GOOD golfers don't shoot 94. I was crushed by this. I debated whether or not to turn in my scorecard for the world to see because of the surrounding embarrassment. I handed it in and I lost it. Cried my eyes out. Why? Because I WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK THAT I WAS GOOD. True, I was completely exasperated with the way that I played, I never felt comfortable over the ball and many times had no idea where it was going. But I was embarrassed. My pride could not handle seeing myself in last place at the end of the tournament, which is where I ended up (in a tie- you see, I had to say that).

I told you that I would return to friend #5, and so I do. After she tells Sarah and I about her recent divorce, she then tells us how hard it is to tell people like me about it. It is embarrassing, it is shameful, it is too hard. Although her ex-husbands cheating on her was out of her hands, she was still so embarrassed to talk about it. I know a little bit about the way she feels, though thankfully it did not come through the way of something like a divorce. When we realize that we live broken lives, it is embarrassing. We feel ashamed. We assume that everyone else is doing it right and expects us to do it right too. But my friend was honest, and Sarah and I noticed it immediately, it was refreshing. You see, it is okay to be embarrassed, it is okay to be ashamed of your life, but will you admit it? Will I admit it? I have a broken life, I do not do all things as well as I want people to think I do. I have to see that my house of cards has come down before I will ever look to Christ to put me back together. And it took a stupid golf tournament, something that I am really good at- remember? - to show me that. Ironic, but surely not surprising.

162

2007-07-19T06:58:00.000-05:00

That is how many times is Psalm 119, synonyms for the Lord's commandments or laws are used. That is amazing. 176 verses, this new-year's-resolution-killer chapter is all about how good the law of the Lord is. Until recently, I really didn't think this. I, like most people, kind of knew that the 10 commandments were something that would be good to do, but never looked to them for happiness. After taking a class on ethics, reading a bit, and looking through the Bible, I am convinced that God did actually give us this law in order to give us life to the full. Interesting then that Jesus said he came that we may have life, and life to the full. Jesus obeyed the law perfectly, and through the substitutionary work of him on the cross, we get this full life that he attained for us, though only in part now, but in full one day someday.

Marrying Dee Dub All Over Again

2007-07-16T20:35:00.000-05:00

Some of my 3 readers may be familiar with a singer/songwriter (I feel so Nashville just saying that) named Derek Webb. I am actually more likely to pay to see his wife, Sandra McCracken, perform than I am him, but nonetheless I really enjoy his music. But I digress...

Sarah has been getting this magazine called Paste for a while now, and we rather enjoy it, especially the CD that comes with it each month. It is usually flavored with various artists who are, as the magazine says, "showing signs of life in music, film, etc." A few months ago, Derek Webb had a song make it onto the CD entitled "I want to marry you all over again" and we think quite highly of it. In fact, Sarah and her mom were even looking for Derek's new CD this week while we were on vacation. So it turns out...

We were in Nashville on Sunday night. We left the beach on Saturday and drove to Birmingham where we stayed with some good friends (and consequently had one of the best breakfasts we've had in a long time) and then headed on to Nashville on Sunday. When we arrived, we went to a PCA church in town that meets on Sunday evenings at 5pm. Sat down, began singing, talked to Kevin Twit and his family who were seated right behind us, and lo and behold who sits down next to us but Derek and Sandra Webb. We met them during the 'greet your neighbor' portion of the service (i had previously met him and had a great conversation which is immortalized in my mind, and which probably left his in the few minutes following). Anyway, in my mind, it was a re-meet, but who's keeping score? They just had their first baby 11 days ago and this church outing was their first time away from the baby (his mom was in town to help out). We didn't ask the baby's name, but we discussed it and decided that it is probably something cool. Church continued and we departed and that was that.

Given that Sarah is in Nashville for the whole week (i flew back today for work), we went by the almightly Kroger on the way to where Sarah is staying for the week. We were doing our shopping, picking the items that she knew would get eaten by weeks end so as not to waste. And who comes prancing by but the 5'4" Dee Dub (i figure when you know someone as well as I do by this point, you can give him a nickname). Sure enough Derek was also at the Kroger picking up a few essentials. Of course, his essentials were cooler than our essentials. His=assorted Naked fruit juices, probably organic Ours=4 peaches, 1 potato, and a yogurt cup and probably other mismatches in like fashion. We briefly said hi and I made some appropriate comment about the baby waking up, and we said our goodbyes and parted ways.

Naturally, I began to sing the "I want to marry you all over again" song in my head as I had spent the better part of the last few hours with the author. We checked out, right behind DW, and my world nearly collapsed on me. You see, I get pretty star struck pretty easily. And even though Derek is not the biggest name in any circles, he and his wife are kind of personal heroes to me. You know, reformed people doing their thing, making good music, what's not to like? And what's more, I had been in the midst of his and her coolness, and didn't so much as act like they were a big deal. I didn't reference the previous conversation that we had (where his life was changed, as you remember from earlier in the story), nor did I do anything that you probably would expect me to do. And here we are, moments from leaving the Kroger probably not to see DW again for a long time, or maybe ever, who cares. And I do it, I start whistling the song. (in whistling notes) "I want to marry you all." I caught myself. He was 5 feet in front of me, but he had to have heard. How could he not have? I am such an idiot. With perhaps 15 seconds left in the game, i fouled out, all 5 fouls at one time. I had a 1 ft putt to win the tournament, and I 3 putted. Why do I do things like this? Why am I such a dooflinky?

Please don't answer the previous 2 questions.

IHYNCDOMV

2007-06-18T08:37:00.000-05:00

Of things in life that currently make me furious:
-computers that freeze up when I'm in a hurry (or already mad)
-squirrels that keep eating Sarah and my homegrown strawberries before we can. i put up a chicken wire fence the other day to keep this from happening, but we all know squirrels could climb through a garden hose if they had to.
-sweating while I sleep: translation- I don't sleep. We have a big thick pretty comforter that Sarah made for us. It is satin (not the most cool-in a temperature sense- material around) and it is filled with this really thick comforter material. So we pull it back during the night to reveal a more dainty, less heavy blanket. Every once in a while, ahem, last night, the satin one finds its way onto my person and I wake up in a pool of sweat. I'm disgusted, I'm mad, I look at the clock and I only have 10 minutes until my alarm goes off and I feel like I haven't been asleep yet. You know the story.
-last, but surely not least. In fact, probably the opposite, the most infuriating thing to me. IHYNCDOMV= I hate you North Carolina Department of Motor Vehicles. Sarah's parents have very graciously given us the car that Sarah has driven for the past few years. I am so thankful for their generosity, and the damn DMV is making me want to burn this car right next to their building so that it burns down too. Sarah's parents mailed us the title to the car, which they had to go through much effort to obtain since the original one disappeared. I received it and went down to the DMV for the first time, and the lady marks
----VOID----
across the 1st section on the back b/c Sarah's dad did not write our names on the back. That was annoying b/c if I could have just written my name there all would have been well. Well, the lady acted as if she was doing me some kind of favor by only writing VOID and not hauling me off to jail or something. I left in a rage probably muffling foulness under my breath. I mailed the title back to Sarah's dad with instructions on what to do the 2nd time.

He did as instructed, and so I squeamishly returned to the DMV pretty much knowing that something else would be screwed up but holding out an obstinate hope that I would be wrong. I arrived at 8:40, it didn't open until 9, but I didn't want to wait in a long line, so I went up to the door and began waiting. It was hot, which would be a foreshadow of what was to come. The doors to the amusement park swung open at 1 minute after 9 and all of the patrons poured into their respective lines awaiting their turn at the fun house. I was 2nd in line and so was immediately positioned before my appointed taskmaster. I handed her (the same woman as the 1st time mind you) all my documents and waited for what I knew to be forthcoming bad news. And it came. Sarah's dad's signature wasn't notarized. But here's the kicker. He had checked on this and it didn't have to be notarized, but she said that it did, and he also had to have witnesses with him, and their signatures had to be notarized too. My head was about to explode much as my thoughts already had and much as my mouth wanted to. I simply looked at this lady and said, "this is a nightmare." Our presumed fun ride of being gifted a nice car has turned into the gravitron that makes you puke for days afterward.

We only have on more place on the back of this title where we can do it right, and honestly I'm not too hopeful. I'm guessing I'll screw it up again, or that I'll get Hilda the mean lady at the DMV and she'll set my sanctification back another 12 years. I might just get new shoes so that I can walk everywhere.

I'm not normally a mean person.

This might be boring for some

2007-05-04T14:47:00.000-05:00

but it shouldn't be. I am doing a paper over what leprous people had to do as "punishment" or "treatment" in Israel and I found a book by this man named Andrew Bonar. I have to share this quote with you. (headnote: leprous people had to go outside the city walls, tear their clothes, cover their face, not comb their hair, and call out Unclean, unclean)

“O leprous soul! A High Priest passes through thy country now, who could deliver thee from thy diseases! Come, come, though thou has sat alone under thy juniper-tree, apart from men, these many, many days! Come, though in vain thou hast hitherto looked for any abatement of thy disease! Perhaps no man ever cared for thy soul? Perhaps thou hast looked on the right hand, and there was no man that would know thee. Perhaps it is long since refuge failed thee. But a High Priest is in the land, who can deliver thee. He takes thee as thou art; He pronounces thee as thou really art, “Unclean, unclean;” and then He stoops down, and says, “Look unto me, and be saved!” He passes by; He walks on the outside of the city, where the lepers are sitting, wistfully looking in through its gates, yet not daring to enter; He will soon enter in, and shut its everlasting gates! Invite Him near; nay, He is near. “He it is that talketh with thee!” He has blood that cleanses from all sin. His touch is healing; His look is life!”

I was once leprous, and this High Priest found me and told me that I could be clean. Has he found you?

Costco

2007-04-22T20:17:00.000-05:00

I have been to Costco and Lowes and Home Depot more than is good for my soul in recent months. We figured a few things when we bought a house and moved to Charlotte. Thing #1) if Costco gas is on average $.06 cheaper per gallon than the cheapest gas station in Charlotte. On average if we fill up both of our cars once every 2 weeks (which it is usually about 1.5 times per 2 weeks), so because of that last parentheses, we will figure 1.5 times per 2 weeks, that makes 36 gallons x 1.5 times per 2 weeks x 26 2-week periods in the year= 1,404 gallons per year, and at $.06 savings per gallon, that equals $84.24, which covers the $50 membership fee. So we win right? Right. Because one of our favorite things to do is stop in at the Costco on the way home from church and hit the samples pretty hard. You get numerous types of goodness, and Sundays are the best. Today, we had almonds, black pepper pecan mix, strawberry jelly on toast, pretzels, vegetable medley, sausage, bourbon chicken, healthy choice popsicles, chicken potstickers, brie cheese, another kind of cheese that was gross, clearly canadian-esque water (do yall remember that stuff?), and oh yes, the lobster spread.

The lobster spread deserves its own paragraph. This station is a Sunday staple. The rest of the stations rotate bi-weekly or so, but not the Lobster spread. It is as predictable as a wife beaters and beer at a Nascar race. It's just there. And so the Corbins love to be there as well. You take the first rectangle club cracker with the delectable spread and give the usual head-nod and acknowledgement of its good taste to the server as you walk past, already beginning to plot your second trip. On the second trip, sometimes I will engage the server and maybe ask a question or 2 about the ingredients or how to optimally prepare the offering (lobster spread= 70% Maine lobster, and the remainder is Mayo and spices), and the optimal serving would be on anything as the server suggests, but crackers work just fine for us. Today Sarah brought another 2nd cracker trick to the table. I watched from behind the server as Sarah went back for #2 and actually went and picked up the pint sized tub of lobster spread and engaged the servers as she turned the container, pretending to be reading, and of course eating #2. After another compliment to the server and perhaps asking where the product is in the refrigerators (though not a good idea with the lobster spread since it is right in front of the server, hence, them knowing if you place it in the cart or not), you walk off. #3 is a bit less tricky, and much less engaging. Usually if you have committed to #3, you are already planning an exit for how to get past the server without ever making eye contact, with no plans of continued shopping in fears of the Costco police coming to get you for taking too many samples. You simply walk past the station, grabbing a cracker in stride and vector your cart for the front of the store.

But my theory is that you can never buy the spread. It will ruin the auora(sp?) around it. Its like moving to Colorado to enjoy the mountains. For some reason, when you can have something that you really look forward to every day, then it just changes. So, even though Sarah does not know this, I would have an ethical dilemma with buying the lobster spread. I just couldn't do it. Sorry Costco, we will continue to eat your wonderfully enticing lobster spread, but its on your dime, not ours.

My Wife=the joker (which consequently means I am the joked)

2007-04-03T19:16:00.000-05:00

April fools day has come and gone in all of its infamy in the Charlotte version of the Corbin household. Normally I hear of a few funny jokes either on the radio talk shows or perhaps from friends. Not so this year.

For the past several weeks, leading up to April 1, Sarah has been feeling kind of crummy, and had many reasons for doing so (allergies, warm/cold spells in weather, and a few others). However, last weekend was especially telling of her sickness. She woke up around 5:30am on both Saturday and Sunday mornings and would go to the bathroom. This was not normal. She would come back to bed and tell me, in the midst of my delirium, that she was feeling very nauseated and that she was having different pains in her body. I did not know what to do but told her that we could go to the doctor or anything else that seemed appropriate to her. She decided to wait and see if the acute nausea, etc. would pass.

So on Sunday morning, she lay in bed after waking so early and throwing up in the bathroom for a while (or so she tells me, I was asleep). I was getting ready for church and she called me back to the bedroom to look at something. She had the computer open to a page of diagnosis' for what her conditions seemed to be. There were several options, many of which were not very appealing, and last of which was, you guessed it, pregnancy. The idea of pregnancy holds a wierd place in my life right now. I want kids, I want kids badly, it just scares the crap out of me to think that we can/should have kids right now as I am about to be a full time student and not working with no apparent income. So there it was, the P word was floating around again. Sarah and I decided that we would take a pregnancy test after church (I didn't want to sit through church knowing that we were either pregnant or she was sick with something else).

After church we declined a lunch invitiation to rush home and take this test. Sarah scooted off to the bathroom as I nervously made lunch in the kitchen. She joined me in the kitchen and said that she hadn't looked yet, but that it was sitting on the bathroom vanity. With arms locked we walked into the bathroom. I grabbed the test and asked her what the two indications were. She said that 1 bar meant not pregnant, so I assumed 2 bars meant pregnant.

I turned it over, and there were 2 bars. I nearly passed out. I had to go sit on the couch to keep from doing so or from collapsing or something else. I was speechless except that Sarah kept wanting me to talk and tell her how I was feeling. I was excited/scared/excited/scared/etc. I didn't know how to feel as this, for sure, was a first for me. She was crying in nervousness and feeling responsible for the pregnancy, and it was in general just a really hard situation. She was crying, I was freaking out. It was a tense situation to say the least.

It all made sense, the nausea, the body aches, everything made sense. We were having a baby.

And then it came. "April Fools."

It wasn't possible, Sunday was March 31, I knew it was for I had just written it on our tithe check that morning. And even if it was April 1 as the church's bulletin around the corner had indicated, this couldn't be a joke. I said, "if this is an april fool's joke, I'm going on a long ride by myself."

"Pinky promise me." the promise followed. "Promise to me on our marriage." the promise came. I was pissed. She had gotten me so well, I didn't know what to do except for be really mad.

You see, my wife had gone through much trouble to pull this off. She had a friend of ours who is pregnant take the pregnancy test, hence the 2 bars. She had filled her mouth with water while pretending to throw up in the bathroom. The nausea was all a joke, certain other symptoms were as well. It was well thought out, and well articulated, and after all is said and done, I give her props for what she did, however harsh it was at the time.

And then I turned 45

2007-02-27T10:13:00.000-06:00

Last week, our neighbors invited us over for a 'meet the neighbors' gathering. When I was talking to Don, the proposed host, he mentioned that he had a son who was about to turn 16. Do you want to know what I said? Mildly hip, not-too-old, Brent? No, I did not say something like,
"Oh that's great."

or

"How cool". Nope.

And instead I said,

"uh-oh, watch out."

crap, here I am 25 years old speaking as if i am 45, and that my life is reduced to being scared of young people getting their driver's licenses.

i must go now. i need to change my Depends.

A Question from A Russian

2007-02-08T12:37:00.000-06:00

Today I was making my daily/every-other-daily browse through craigslist to see if there is a couch that Sarah and I can buy used from somebody. We've been looking for over a month, but are in no real hurry b/c we have a functional set right now, just kind of old/sweat stained, etc. Today I found something that we liked and so I went over to the ladies house to get a preview before dragging sarah over there this evening to look for herself, somewhat of a screening process to save precious evening ours. I noticed that the woman had an accent over the phone as I had to ask her to spell several words b/c I couldn't understand her. When I rang the doorbell, we greeted each other and somewhere in the introduction, she mentioned something about Russia, or being Russian. Yada yada yada, we talked about the couches and she was showing me the rest of her house. And then came her questions to me. "So what type of school are you in?" "Seminary." "Oh." pause. "I'm training to be a pastor." pause. "Why do you want to do that? I mean, you must really want to do that." "Yeah, I would like to work on a college campus, I really enjoy college students." "Oh."

So my question to myself as I think about this brief banter is this, "Is the reason that I am going to Seminary because I really like college students?" That to me seems a little shallow, and besides, the reason that I want to do this type of work is because the Lord has changed my heart and life and has given me a great desire to interact with others and be in their lives and to see the gospel change them. But I didn't say this. Why? Partially b/c I think she wouldn't get it. But also partially because I am scared to say something like this. Am I ashamed of my calling? Scared of it? Scared of talking about God with other people? Probably a combination of all of those. Sometimes I feel like no one takes preachers seriously anymore. Its like we're living in an alien world fighting an alien battle, while all the postmodern humans just kind of look at us and don't care one way or the other about what we do. I need Jesus, i realize that.

God and life

2007-01-30T07:01:00.000-06:00

I was surprised this morning as I was reading the Bible (yes, I'm still going strong on a new year's kick, but leviticus and others loom in the distance...). I was coming to the end of Genesis, which in my mind is one of those pinnacle moments of redemption and forgiveness and grace and all the like as Joseph and his brothers re-unite and there is crying and celebration, and it is just a wonderful story. There have been movies made about much weaker story lines than this, but I digress.

And then it comes...

Joseph's famous line to his brothers after they come begging for him to spare their lives and to not kill them (which they thought he would do after their father died). In response to their pleading, he says this, (drum roll for the God is sovereign camp...) "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good". And so we stop, and we breathe and think, 'man, just shows how God can turn any bad situation into a good one,' and so the sunday school lesson goes. BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE END OF THE SENTENCE!!!

"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." It is not as if he side steps the wonder of God's sovereignty, but he says its all because God cares about life! Joseph is saying to his brothers, 'don't worry about it, God put me here so that he could tell me about the famine that was coming, so that I could tell Pharoah to start saving grain so that people won't starve!' It was all about life and God loving life and it wasn't even a story about a great revival. It could have been, it surely could have been a story about how God used Joseph to spread the gospel among all of Egypt, but as we know from history, Egypt was hardly a pious nation at any point in its storied past. God loves life. God loves salvation and redemption, but God also loves common grace that preserves life. Our goal isn't only to get people into the "Christian lifeboat," our goal is to love life, other peoples' life even, enough that we work toward its preservation. I'm not very good at this, in fact, I so look forward to glory sometimes (usually after a time of seeing my sin very clearly and wanting to do it no more), that I fail to remember that life is good and that God would have me to enjoy it and work toward others preserving and enjoying of it. I've claimed to be pro-life because I just kind of knew that killing the innocent is a cruel and unjust thing, but I have found something on which I can hang my hat and say, "the Bible told me so."

Experiences with a U-Haul and a cool story (but you'll have to wait until the end for that...)

2007-01-07T20:54:00.000-06:00

For the 4 readers who even know that I have a blog and who are willing to put up with my sometimes month long absences, this one is for you.

We went on an awesome vacation with my family before Christmas, an eastern Carribean cruise. Tons of fun, and that's an understatement. For a few days after that we were in Louisiana to spend Christmas with Sarah's family. I went hunting for the first time, which was alot of fun. Everyone talks about deer hunting being very boring. Usually you have to walk for an hour or more, then sit sometimes for hours on end. This is a recount of my first hunt:
Park the truck
Walk to Tree: 15 minutes
Sit down on ground next to tree and wait for deer: 10 minutes
See 6 point buck and shoot him: 1 shot, .0004583 seconds

I hit the little guy, and then drug him back to a spot where we could bring the truck to pick him up. It was awesome, and perfect for my impatient self.

No for the U-Haul story. If you would consult our friends the Howells, they will advise you to never rent a U-Haul, ever. They now recommend Penske, or some other similar outfit. We actually got one of U-Haul's new trucks, so we weren't complaining. After we unloaded our stuff at our house in Charlotte (our new home), we needed to take the U-Haul to get a mattress. I pulled out of the driveway, and snapped the phone line off of the pole because the U-Haul is 12ft. tall as the sticker in my rearview mirror reminds me. Casualty #1.

Next we head into the mall to see if Dillards has any mattresses, as we have some store credit remaining there from our wedding. (see below picture).

What you see is the 7ft. clearance bar that I managed to mangle with the aforementioned 12ft. tall U-Haul. Almost as funny as realizing what my dumb self had done was seeing the cars who were trying to enter the parking lot, now trying to pass the American Gladiator gauntlet pole that was swinging from side to side. I'm such an idiot, as I now realize that I am not in a parking lot, but rather the top deck of a parking garage with a, you guessed, it 12ft. tall, 26ft!!! long U-Haul truck.

And we're not done. I thought I could make a U-turn after leaving the mall parking lot and ended up in somebody's front yard. Not just 1 wheel, and I'd love to tell you it was only 2 or 3 wheels. But no, all 4 were now fully in somebody's front yard, merely a few feet from their front flower bed. I had misjudged my turning radius by 10's of feet. Terrible, I couldn't stop. I hope it hadn't rained in the previous month. 26ft long U-Haul=heavy=large ruts in soft yard.

So now for the cool story. I had one of those mornings at church where I felt the weight of my sin more clearly than I do at other times. I felt guilty for a lack of being in the word, and generally felt as if God was probably upset with me for these things. Why do I think this? Why do I continue to not believe that God loves me and has already made the decision to do so forever? Someone asked Martin Luther why he continues to preach the gospel of grace week after week without deviation, and he answered saying that he stands up there and looks at a group of people who look like they need the gospel week after week. This afternoon Sarah and I went to look at a sofa, chair, and ottoman that we had found on craig's list. It was a lot of money to spend, and we were both questioning whether or not it was the right decision for us at this time. So, feeling guilty that the Lord has been an afterthought for much of this week, we decided to ask for wisdom in making the decision and to help us discern if the couch was a good buy or not. Amazingly, as soon as we walked in, Sarah could tell that we did not want this furniture. Of course, wanting to be polite to the sellers, I did not know this until we got in the car. I on the other hand, decided to pick the items up to tell how heavy they were (generally speaking, heavy furniture=quality furniture). All of it was light, and that made up my mind.

Moral to this story: God is faithful and loving and caring, when we are not. He is not mad with us when we are ignorant of Him. If you are in Christ, you are loved, deeply loved. And not only that, as Sarah and I found out today, you are cared for and looked out for. That is wonderful, in my humble opinion (though I am rarely humble about anything).

Man Crush re-ignited

2006-12-06T14:54:00.000-06:00

We got the first disc to Season 5 of 24 from the Netflix Santa yesterday. It's been in our queue since July, and so, as you could imagine, yesterday was a bit celebratory....so we watched all 4 episodes and gave it back to Santa today so that he could bring us the next disc. And on top of that, we changed our Netflix membership so that we get 2 movies at time now to satisfy our fix.

And as mentioned above, I officially re-have a man cruch on Jack Bauer.

Charlotte and my Wife(Sarah don't worry, it's not bad)

2006-12-02T15:38:00.000-06:00

I just returned from a great trip to Charlotte, in which I closed on our new house on Thursday and hung out with Matt and Kathryn Howell during the evenings. I think that we are really going to enjoy our move out there, and I hope that we will continue the friendships that are there and make many more. One thing that is especially striking about this upcoming time for us is that I have never known Sarah when she was not a student. I have had glimpses during holidays and summers, but for the most part she has been a student. Confessingly, I spent too much of the last few years or so griping about her school and not encouraging her in her studies. But with only 4 days (aside from 6 months of clinicals in the spring and a 2 week class next summer) remaining, I could not be more proud of her and her success thus far in her doctorate of physical therapy program. I'm not even taking the classes, but I can feel how hard they are just from watching her study.

I was talking with Matt and Kathryn the other night and Kathryn asked me if Sarah and I did okay when we weren't with each other at night. In terms of shear sleeping abilities, I don't think that either Sarah or I miss sleep when the other isn't 3 inches away (we have a double bed). In reality, Sarah probably sleeps better because I have been known to elbow, knee, and kick her during the night. We believe that there have been bruises to prove, but at any rate, I find myself apologizing during the night fairly often. Though I do not sleep particularly worse, I begin to see that after a few days, I really just miss her. You could probably scroll back several years on this blog and read of my lonely times, of which I haven't written in a while. But lo, I have been away from her for 3 days and I find myself missing her dearly, longing for that closeness of that friend and wife that I now have. I don't think you can really explain it unless you're married, but it's very real. Anyhow, she will return from Boston tomorrow (she has been visiting her 7 month pregnant with 2's sister) and I will be speeding to the airport to get her. Sarah, I'm ready, come home.

A noteworthy quote by J.C. Ryle

2006-11-01T22:42:00.000-06:00

"We must be holy, because our present comfort depends much upon it. We cannot be too often reminded of this. We are sadly apty to forget that there is a close connection between sin and sorrow, holiness and happiness, sanctification and consolation. God has so wisely ordered it that our well-being and our well-doing are linked together. He has mercifully provided that even in this world it shall be man's interest to be holy. Our justification is not by works; our calling and election are not according to our works; but it is vain for any one to suppose that he will have a lively sense of his justification, or an assurance of his calling, so long as he neglects good works, or does not strive to live a holy life..."

and again... "A believer may as soon expect to feel the sun's rays upon a dark and cloudy day, as to feel strong consolation in Christ while he does not follow him fully...He that follows Jesus most fully will always follow Him most comfortably."

I've been thinking alot about personal Holiness lately, and this quote really stuck out in my mind. If you are anything like me, you can remember times in your life that you think of as the 'Golden days' or maybe a season that was particularly sweet to remember. And inevitably, when things turn ugly or aren't as 'sweet' we try and remember what we were doing in those golden days so that we can emulate it and return. For Christians, this usually means that we'll wake up 30 minutes earlier than usual to get some more Bible reading in, or maybe to find the prayer life that we once had, and after a week of losing sleep, we get burned out and are discouraged again. But what if "He that follows Jesus most fully will always follow Him most comfortably" is true? What if the reason that we long to return to the good days is that we were having a particularly comfortable time of following Jesus?

I as a person holding to Reformed thoughts and theology, tend to think that if I'm not fretting over some looming, perpetual sin in my life, then I must not becoming more sanctified or holy. True, as we understand the gospel more and more, we understand our sin more and more, and thus we have to rely on the gospel more. But in actively putting to death the sins of our flesh, there is reason to be happy, and there is reason that in 6 months I should look back at the present and remember, "Hey, life was really great and I really enjoyed fellowship with the Lord when I wasn't _______ or when I was ________." And I don't have to feel bad about wishing for the Golden days. Perhaps, just maybe I should pray for them to return, and for the disciplines of grace to capture my heart once again!

The Bachelor

2006-10-16T21:00:00.000-05:00

Why is this show so terrible and why do I watch it season after season?

Top lines from bachelors, "you are so beautiful" "i can't imagine this night being any better" "this is the best night of my life" "i feel a connection with you" "you are so beautiful" "i never thought giving out roses could be so hard" "this is the hardest night of my life" "

Top lines from the competing girls, "I feel such a connection with you" "i am too strong to be crying right now" "this is so romantic(whilst on a date with the bachelor and 5 other girls)" "tonight was amazing" "i feel a chemistry with you"

I can't handle it any longer.

and i'll probably watch it next week.

Missional vs. my heart

2006-09-27T21:36:00.000-05:00

It happened again today. It happens many times after I listen to or read something from Tim Keller. He gets me really excited about the kingdom of God, and its advance. And then usually sometime not too long afterward, I get depressed when I look at my life and see what role I play/or am not playing in that advance. I understand that I am somewhat in a transition time before starting seminary, but I was reminded of something today that I have been reminded of many times: I don't want to be a pastor/RUF minister/church planter that is chiefly concerned with getting theological concepts across and having a bunch of people (including myself and my family) who could care less about what is happening around us.

Keller talks about the combatant to this by using the word missional. Missional means that everything your church does is to advance the kingdom. The Lord is about the kingdom's advance, and so should pastors be, and so should the sheep be. To talk about the word "evangelistic" usually implies some kind of program or to talk about the "missions" board of your church is to talk about something that isn't the normal work of the church. Missional means that kingdom advancing here and abroad is what your church does, or at least we do everything in our power to help make this so. This may mean that if you live in a hip hop neighborhood, then the praise music at your church is hip hop, and the pastor dress accordingly. If you live in uptown NYC and your congregation is 20 something business people, then you may have more orchestric music and wear a robe to preach in.

Why does this pull at my heart? What is it in me that says, No, you have to wear a robe everywhere you are. It's the most holy thing. Certainly, scripture doesn't speak to the necessity of wearing a robe, although you could argue that the priests in the days of old wore them. But does that make it mandated or right? What if they wore them b/c that was custom of the day?

My friend Matt was telling me about something Dr. Richard Pratt said in a class this summer, and it is like that thought that is sticking to a piece of gum in my mind. He was calling the class to repentance over their desire to be in ministry as a profession, and to go take a church, or do RUF, or whatever, because its easy and relatively predictable and safe. This is challenging to me because I look at the scriptures and they don't talk about the gospel being safe. Good yes, safe no. (cue, Chronicles of Narnia). Jesus isn't meant to be made a profession of ease and comfort. If I believe that there are kingdoms fighting in this world for our allegiance, I have also to believe that reaching as many people in the most effective way with the gospel has to be my goal. And if you are interested in this kingdom spreading, shouldn't it be yours?

Thoughts?

Sunday School

2006-09-23T22:58:00.000-05:00

I am teaching sunday school at our church, Covenant Presbyterian Church here in Nashville this fall for the senior high youth group. I am teaching through the 10 commandments, and ran across a few, what I deem to be, blog-worthy quotes that I shall post dealing with the 2nd commandment:

“Every one of us is, even from his mother's womb, a master craftsman of idols” -Calvin

“Man's mind is like a store of idolatry and superstition; so much so that if a man believes his own mind it is certain that he will forsake God and forge some idol in his own brain” -Calvin

“We are driven to idolatry by sin and pride which both result from forgetting who our God really is. This means that whenever we think we need to disobey one of these commands we have come to disbelieve that God knows what He is doing, and we have made an idol out of Him – we have come to see Him as less than “all-knowing” or less than “all-good” or less than “all-powerful.” -Kevin Twit (i think)

“If idolatry comes from exchanging the truth for a lie, then healing comes from reversing this. We have to learn how to do gospel-arguing with ourselves, and ask… Heart, why do you think this is going to really satisfy? It has no power to save and it will never forgive you when you let it down.” -Keller(at least most of it)

Now, my challenge is to put together a Sunday school lesson where I don't just quote other people the whole time. Kind of tough when you other people have said it so well already...

Really, really bad calls

2006-09-17T21:55:00.000-05:00

I live in Nashville. The OU game wasn't on regular cable TV, so I had to go to a sports bar to watch the game Saturday. I felt great about the game until there was about 3 minutes left. Then came the worst replay calls in the history of football and OU lost. I haven't been that mad in a while. I think one of the guys who was there probably ended up breaking a chair or something. I just left and cussed to myself after doing so out loud. And then I repented, because I probably love OU football too much.

This day in history

2006-08-23T20:56:00.000-05:00

This day for the past two years has been a very interesting one for me. 2 years ago, I was venturing into my first Vanderbilt RUF meeting, which was at that time, a new job. I was in charge of the music and I was supposed to meet as many people as I could and get phone numbers, set up meetings to hang out, etc. It was a daunting task, but I can remember enjoying it quite alot. The semester that followed that night 2 years ago proved to be the hardest in my life to date. I found out who I was probably more than I would have liked. And people found out who I was, more than I liked. But it was good. Real good. The Lord was using me and wrenching my heart for His glory and my sanctification, and if you are a believer, you know how painful and sweet those times are. Today, I feel like I am more known and loved than ever before in my life, thanks to a certain Sarah that I did not even know on this day 2 years ago.

Last year on this day, I was playing the role of a veteran at the first RUF meeting. We had a new campus minister, and instead of meeting all new faces, I saw many that were familiar and only one class of fresh ones. I felt much more comfortable at the first meeting than I had at the meeting only one year prior. But when you're desire is to meet students and befriend them unto the gospel, a night of meeting new people isn't so much of a drag as it is a joy. Stacey wore a pink/purplish lacoste shirt, which screamed "I can roll with Vandy" as he gave his first sermon. I have grown very much to love Stacey and his wife over the last year. They are indeed 2 people that stay in my mind, and that is probably because of their dear love for Sarah and me over the last year. Sarah and I were only a few days away from getting engaged, and she had NO idea.

Today, I had a normal day at the office (which in reality, is the back right corner of our living room). As I sat throughout the day, I couldn't keep myself from thinking about these past two years. I miss the students. I spent two years giving myself and hopefully presenting Christ to many many guys and a few girls on occasion. And today, I wanted to see them. I text messaged a few that I grew particularly close to, but mainly I just thought about them. I hope for them, I hope that the Lord is drawing their hearts to him still or perhaps in a new and exciting way. I hope that the older guys will pursue the younger guys, not for RUF's sake, but for the sake of the kingdom. Today I am convinced me even more that the normal working of the kingdom is through relationships. Relationships provide the nutrients for the soil that is the Kingdom's field. Handing out tracts and standing on a street may have been effective at some point in the past, but I really believe that the normal working of the gospel is through people. God does choose to use extraordinary means. But none, and I mean none are so extraordinary as that He uses us, sinful and broken people, to spread the good news of Jesus.

Do you want to know why the gospel is sweet to me today? Because it tells me that my struggle is not to be free from sin, but rather it gives me freedom to struggle with sin. And the beauty of it all is that the Lord calls us into relationships so that we can go through it all together. I have the privelege of going through life with Sarah and many others. And i hope that on this night, some new freshmen at Vanderbilt will find some friends with whom they can run toward Christ and find all that has been so wonderful to me over the past two years.

Matsui himoshono tiletito

2006-07-25T08:38:00.000-05:00

I hardly have time to write this but I need to before it leaves me. Two saturdays ago, Sarah and I went to a yoga class at the YMCA here in Dallas to see what it would be like. I was a little skeptical, given that my impression of Yoga'ers was that they were wierdo new age people. However, I thought, it cant be that wierd at the Y, right?

Long story short. It kicked my butt. Lots of stretching, very little wierdness involved. I kept my eyes open most of the time, bar those times when I was wincing in pain or when sweat had just dripped into my eyes. I was really sore the next few days, as I am not a routine 'stretcher.' Not the ambulance kind, but the kind that does stretches.

So then we decided to go to power yoga this past Saturday. Harder, lots more push-ups + lots more sweat = lots of hurting. But a good hurt, of course. I am thinking about buying my own mat, is that wierd?

Superman: A Super Man and a Homewrecker

2006-07-10T16:44:00.000-05:00

After a wonderful time of worship at PCPC yesterday, Sarah and I went and saw a matinee showing of Superman- Part 2 I think. It had the normal crazy story lines of all of those amazing things that superman can do. It showed superman in his blue tights, which are really tight, which made me want to wear them for Halloween next year, no matter what physical shape I'm in. The fatter the better, there would be awkwardness aplenty.

Here's what gets me. Lois Lane won't marry her boyfriend Richard, whom she is living with in a gargantuan house across from the NYC skyline, because she still loves Superman deep down. We all know that though. What really gets me is that Superman can just come in and out of these movies and never tell Lois that he is going to marry her, thus meaning that she and her boyfriend Richard will continue to have unmerited relations, and make people to think this is okay.

"This is not okay, Superman, and I, for one, am not afraid to tell you. You need to quit going back home to Krypton and freaking marry Lois Lane. You are breaking Richard's heart because he likes Lois, but knows that she loves you. You need to claim responsibility for that kid of yours, or at least start paying Lois something. You are a bad father, and didn't even do the necessary testing to see if Jason was your child. You waited for Lois to tell you. Weak sauce, Superman, weak sauce. Why don't you be the man who fills out those blue tights for once in your life?"

Disgruntled,
Brent Corbin

On fireworks...

2006-07-05T14:20:00.000-05:00

For the last two nights I have stood with my neck in a fixed position as I gaze skyward at perhaps one of the things that gets me more instantly excited than anything else. From the first i-think-that-might-give-me-a-heart-attack-and-i-think-i-like-it boom until the paralyzing grand finale, I have realized that my childhood fascination with fireworks still looms large in my life. It is resurrected once/maybe twice a year (depending on where New Year's lands me) and for some reason, watching a fireworks show is absolutely riveting to me.

I was talking to Sarah the other day about my dismay with her having to work on the 4th of July. She didn't seem to think it was such a big deal (coming from a medical family), citing the fact that hospitals don't shut down for holidays. Understandably, she said that her family never celebrated the 4th very much growing up. After I started breathing again, we began to have a conversation about fireworks, and I would like to have an alliteration here and say "fireworks and freedom", but I'm afraid this time, it was just about fireworks.

Growing up, my brothers and I would blow undecent amounts of money on fireworks (one of my brothers still does, which i love). A little later in our childhood, we began to experiment a little more with homemade fireworks, and our money was turned to gunpowder, salt peter, pvc pipes, and cannon fuse. We made all sorts of little "pseudo" bombs and we would entertain ourselves for days playing in this manner. When I was a sophomore in high school, there was a big field party at some guy's land outside of Duncan. Once the night had worn on and the partiers were pretty saucy, I made my move.

I had constructed a 10 inch long bomb, more effectively like a small stick of dynamite. I put a 2 ft. fuse on it b/c i wanted to have time to run a long, long way before it blew. When the time was right, I lit, and I ran. And I watched, and i listened. BOOM! Actually, i didn't even need to listen. The freaking thing blew the end caps off of the pipe and was more like a giant sparkler. I was mad, but I think more, I was disappointed because I wanted the older kids to think I was cool.

Thats okay, I don't have to impress people anymore. I can sit and enjoy them with Sarah and other friends and family. But enjoy them I will, until my neck hurts and beyond. Little ones that you throw at others, ones that can catch your yards on fire, ones that you wish your eyes were bigger to take it all in, and ones that take the air from your chest when they break in the air. I love them all, and I ever will.

Like a dog returns to its vomit...

2006-06-29T14:56:00.000-05:00

So i have returned to working at the bank. Except I don't liken this at all to the unpleasurable experience of re-eating vomit, I actually am enjoying the job more this time around and am very thankful that Bank of Texas (owned by my former employer Bank of Oklahoma) would hire me on for a season before I begin seminary.

It's really a pretty sweet setup that they've given me here, I have my own office which is pretty nice, it beats a cubicle any day of the year. They are going to allow me to work from home in Nashville in the fall (or at least a part of the fall) and just work over the internet. I don't know how all that stuff works, but i think it involves an atari and a hologram.

Sarah, my new wife, (for the casual reader at home) and I are on the wedding tour. We are leaving today to travel down to Baton Rouge for Sarah's younger sister's wedding. Mary Jackson is marrying a fine laddie from Louisiana named Henry Barham. Big outdoor wedding. Louisiana + Outdoor wedding in July = profuse sweating like i've never had. It might be my first wedding where i bring one of those little Six Flags electric fans and cool myself down. When we finish this weekends festivities, that will be 4 weddings in the last 3 weekends for us. Did you catch the math there. We went 4-3, batting a whopping 133% over the past three weekends. Luckily, July slows down for us and we might actually be able to enjoy summering in Dallas where twill undoubtedly be 137 degrees everyday.

Really. It will.

My Big Fat Bonus

2006-05-01T22:38:00.000-05:00

At the end of 2 years of doing campus ministry, I got a bonus. It wasn't like the bonuses that I would get every 3 months at the bank...no, not at all. My bonus came last Wednesday night at RUF when I was handed a little box with tissue paper. I was given this by Stacey's wife Megan, and I figured that it would be a nice little goodbye gift with maybe a nice note.

But when I went home I took away the tissue paper and found about 40 cards from students telling me why I was important to them. It was a big bonus, bigger than I ever could have hoped for. I spent the money that I made at the bank, but I have a feeling that I will save this bonus and that I will go back to it when I am feeling down and unimportant, and it will remind me that the Lord was gracious to use me in the lives of students over the past few years. Yeah, I'm sure I will look at these again. This bonus will last a long time. Why don't we write nice things to each other more often. Stick and stones may break my bones, but words have the power to change me.

On the edge of tomorrow

2006-04-24T23:38:00.000-05:00

I debated this post internally, not wanting to lay my overly emotional cards for everyone to see on the table, but ah, what the heck. My job with RUF ends in just over 1 week. We have 1 large group meeting left, and probably a handful of lunch meetings with guys before they jump into finals. I can't get this thought out of my head: the Lord has allowed me into these students lives, and I have been blessed to be close to them. Now I look around the campus at Vanderbilt, and what to me were merely faces when I arrived almost 2 years ago, are now stories, realities, heartbreaks, struggles, and finally victories. The Lord has been very gracious to work through me in the hearts of these students. I do not merely hope that He has, He has. They tell me. Over the last week or so, I have received more complements from people other than Sarah than I have in my whole life. My friendship has meant much to them, and theirs more to me than they'll ever know. They have invited me into their lives, and in some way I now am (physically) making my way out. I have more than a suspicion that this won't be easy. People that you are close with don't just go away. Memories are overwhelming. Conversations are eerily present in my mind as if they were yesterdays.

We need people. Be ye Christian or not, we need others. A gospel-driven, relational ministry like RUF will always be a shining light on the college campus because we are needy people. You need others in your life to love, confront, listen, challenge, endure, and enjoy life with. And if I have learned one thing over the last 2 years, I've learned that I do too. The Lord has given me Sarah and many other friends. And the Lord has given me 100's of students at Vanderbilt who I have needed to share my life with, and they have embraced me. And I am so thankful.

What has consumed all of my free time for 3 months...

2006-04-04T00:32:00.000-05:00

This is the bed that I made for Sarah and I as a wedding gift. I had no idea what I was doing when I started out, and so I was quite excited that it turned out as it did!

A different Angle

Another angle

Humbled

2006-03-21T16:54:00.000-06:00

Today I was meeting with a student, which is fairly normal given the nature of my job. This particular student is a new believer, and it has been particularly encouraging to me as we meet and talk through the gospel and many of the questions that he has in this stage of his life.

We were talking today about why we have to be born into sin and be sinners, when it wasn't me that sinned way back then. It was this guy named Adam, who I don't even know. I did my best to explain the idea of Adam being our representative, and then if we have faith in Christ, then Christ is our new representative before God, etc. etc. So then I made the assertion that we cannot do anything without sin affecting it. Sin affects, distorts anything that we do. We can still do good things, and furthermore are called to do them, but they are never 100% for the glory of God. So I continued to talk and talk and talk until I was sure that I had driven home who we are as sinners. Very honestly, he then looked up at me and said, but didn't Christ set us free? It is for freedom that he has set us free, right?

The blood rushed from my face, I felt a little cold, and answered him, "yes."

I think often I see my sin and dwell on my sin so much, that I forget who I am in Christ. I think of my Adamic nature so much more than I think of my Christian nature. Therefore, I get depressed. Joy runs from my face just as the blood did today. I fail to realize as Paul says that if I am in Christ, I am a new creation. The old has gone, and the new has come. I am no longer ruled by sin. The effects of sin are still in me (for sure) but they are not my master. They should not have the power to rule my life. Why do I not think of this more?

So today, I was humbled. And it was a good thing indeed. I need to see myself in Christ so that I may be strong to overcome sin and to not give it the foothold in my life that it loves to occupy. Thank you, Mr. 1 year old believer.

Big Bang

2006-03-17T10:35:00.000-06:00

I recently saw an article on cnn.com about the Big Bang's 'Smoking Gun'. Turns out that scientists have all the answers. Here is a clip from the article...

"In that trillionth of a second after the big bang, the universe expanded from the size of a marble to a volume larger than all of observable space through a process known as inflation. At the same time, the seeds were planted for the formation of stars, galaxies, planets and every other object in the universe."

I am not a scientist, at all. But I just think that it would be harder to believe that everything came to being by this process called 'inflation' and that it all happened in .000000000001 of a second. Star seeds and planet seeds were planted. And i guess human seeds too. That's really wierd to think about. What does a human seed look like? (please avoid the obvious answer here)

Jealousy?

2006-03-13T12:14:00.000-06:00

That's right. Two in one day.

So if you don't know, I'm working at Vanderbilt for a campus ministry, called RUF. We are a part of the Presbyterian Church in America . We're a fairly insignificant denomination on a national scale, but we are growing, and many people seem to love our churches. Likewise, RUF is now on over 100 campuses, which numerically is fairly insignificant when compared to other campus ministries, but we believe that we are doing a great thing in bringing the gospel to students where we serve.

At Vanderbilt, RUF has a rich tradition of having many good campus ministers and we have enjoyed a fairly successful ministry here, if that is really measurable?? Recently, another campus ministry has made a big push to make a 'comeback' on campus, and I am beginning to see their influence more and more. They are making a big push with freshmen, and with people that would be considered 'leaders' in most peoples eyes. I feel like that I am in a wierd place because on one hand I want to say, "Good luck" and I want to mean it. On the other hand, I am really not too convinced of their methods of doing ministry. I believe that they treat people as projects rather than people, and its generally pretty hard for me to support that kind of approach. So what do I do? I talk to many students who are meeting with the leaders of this other ministry much as I do.

I wonder what the other leaders are telling the students? I tend to think of our approach as bringing the gospel to the students wherever they are, and this can look many different ways. Sometimes this might mean that hanging out might be the best thing, and many times it means that we have to take a deep look at someone's life and their sin and have very difficult conversations. It just depends. I think this is what Jesus would do, and so do many other people who are involved with RUF. We tend to focus on 'being' and not so much 'doing.' But doing is the natural inclination of our hearts. We all tend toward legalism because it makes us feel like we can earn it, and do it before God. It makes us feel good about ourselves. But it is not the gospel. The gospel tells us to give up on our own efforts, and trust Christ because we can't do it. Jesus doesn't bring a 5 week plan to discipleship, he brings grace and the Word to our real lives. This is hard.

Any suggestions?

The Grossest Thing in Recent Memory

2006-03-13T10:34:00.000-06:00

Dear Naked Juice Company,

I recently purchased one of your Naked drinks. I have thoroughly enjoyed your juice drinks since I first had one last spring. Although they are a bit expensive (sometimes as much as $5), I will splurge in order to treat myself to such a wonderful taste. However, today I found myself rather hungry about mid-morning and I thought that I would go for something that would mirror more of a full meal than one of your juice drinks. I chose your Chocolate Karma All Natural Protein Soy Smoothie. I took one drink and almost threw up. It was sour and it tasted like urine smells. I hope it is heart healthy as the bottle depicts, because anyone who drinks it knows that it is not taste-bud healthy. I am rather curious as to why you keep selling this product, as I think it is the worst thing I have put in my mouth in recent memory. I am asking for a full refund of the $3.44 that I paid for this drink.

Honestly,
Brent Corbin

I don't envy them at all

2006-03-02T09:48:00.000-06:00

In my life I have realized a few things, and one of the significant things that I have realized is that being a boy is so much easier/less stressful/less complicated than being a girl. Think about it. We don't have to mess with our hair if we don't want. We don't have to do makeup stuff. We don't really worry too much about which pair of jeans make our butt look fat or tall or smushed in or whatever. We surely don't have this once-a-month-for-a-week phenomenon. ALthough, Sarah would probably argue that my mood swings could rival even the most intense PMS. And there is more.

But what I am really absolutely struck by is how much it costs to be a girl. Think about it. Haircuts $50, minimum. With color, at least a cool $hundy or so. Makeup isn't cheap. And as I am finding out as Sarah has been shopping for some clothes to wear to a wedding party this weekend, girls clothing is freaking outrageous. There are little lace tops that can't have more than $6.75 in material, that cost $180, and dresses that in your wildest dreams couldn't cost $200. They don't, they actually cost $480. And jeans are this whole mind boggling thing too, although I am a bit more sympathetic with the pricey jeans since they can be worn all the time, but jeans can cost up to $250, and heck, probably more.

I once spent $78 on a pair of jeans. I felt like I was getting ripped off majorly, but I think I've gotten my use out of them. I wear them about twice a week, and have for the last 6 years. No holes, nothing.

$480, wow.

The poor

2006-02-17T01:12:00.000-06:00

This got me thinking.... i'll post later on with my own thoughts.

Bono's Speech at the Presidential Prayer Breakfast

Vandy girls

2006-02-08T13:55:00.000-06:00

At the fear that there are going to be some vandy girls who read this blog, I almost didn't publish it. But I just had to. There are too many things that these girls get away with and that nobody says anything about...

Last night Sarah and I were studying at this little coffee joint here in Nashville. On the two couches next to us were perched two vanderbilt girls, complete with UGZ (which are fine, i'm personally not a big fan, but thats okay) furry boots, ipod's and a freaking huge pile of books, which is pretty standard gear. One of the girls proceeds to get up and walk to the market half of the store, peruse the isles for something to eat perhaps, and then asks the clerk if they take the Vandy Card (students can put money onto their ID cards and spend it at various retailers around campus). The guy kindly told her that they didn't. She returns back to her couch and sits down only for a moment before her friend asks her, "Do they take it? (answers: No) Here, I've got some money that you can borrow..."

Fine, right? I mean, this is a normal happening up to this point. But here's where it gets interesting.

"Oh you're so cute, but no I don't need it. (other girls responds: are you sure?) Oh you're so precious, but no thanks. But you're so darling."

Seriously that is what she said.

I sat there wondering why an answer to a question had to be framed with telling the girl she was cute? precious? and darling? I don't think any of these adjectives are appropriate to the situation, do you? Maybe this is just the language of the young people these days, but I don't think I'm that far removed from youth. I was completely goobed out by the whole situation and I was merely an eaves dropper. I wonder if this is normal talk for people other than Vandy girls?

Plus, for the record, there is this one girl with poofy hair who since I have been at Vanderbilt, has worn a mini skirt and either UGZ or a form of high heel every day but 2 since fall of 2004. Its amazing, it never ceases to amaze me that it can be sub 40 degree temperature, and there, lo and behold, is poof with a mini skirt. I am not commenting on whether or not she should wear a mini skirt, for that is not the point of this statement, but merely stating that IT IS 39 FREAKING DEGREES TODAY and YOU'RE WEARING A MINI SKIRT.

The Alien

2006-01-31T13:22:00.000-06:00

I was talking to some students before Christmas and this one senior guy told me about a study that he had been involved in at the Vanderbilt Medical Center where he was used as a test case for blood pressure medication and they paid him $200. The only qualifications to be used in the test is that you are healthy. So, thinking to myself, I am healthy, and I can always use $200, I went and volunteered for the study. They nurse called me back a few weeks ago and asked if I was still interested, I said yes. So she had me come in to get a thorough physical to make sure that I was indeed healthy. I got a strange call the day after the physical from the nurse saying that I had an elevated enzyme count in my liver and that I would need to come back in and get my blood tested again.

A little scared, but feeling quite well (at least physically speaking) I returned to the office to give some blood. They then called me later in the afternoon and told me that i needed to get to the doctor. My original enzyme count was a 78 (normal is from 4-40) and my new count was 212. AHHHH! What the crap is wrong with me.

I saw an internal medicine doctor and after she examined me, she explained that she found nothing, but that she wanted to have an ultrasound done just to make sure. If you have never had warm jelly rubbed on your stomach, I would advise either A) getting pregnant or B)faking a liver disease. Guys, I hope that you're good at faking. It was quite an experience, but again, they found nothing wrong. So today I sit after having given more blood yesterday, waiting on a call from my doctor's office to see where my blood levels are. I am convinced that I have a small alien living in me that I can't see or feel, nor can the ultrasound. But as for the test results, we'll see what they have to say about things...

Its been 1.5 months, and i still got nothing

2006-01-18T10:39:00.000-06:00

If you are reading this, you are probably at least somewhat surprised to see that I have indeed, added another entry into this blog. It was the 1st of December when I last wrote, and here it is the middle of January and I am tired of fielding hate mail for not posting. So here I am, but I'm afraid I haven't alot to say. Unless of course you think 1)trying to find middle names for a guest list of a wedding 2)helping a fiance study physical therapy or 3)trying to live in a house that is the same temperature as the weather outside....is interesting.

About the last one, my roomates and I decided in December that it was finally time to turn on the gas in our house. We had been scared to face one of those bills b/c of the increase in natural gas prices this winter. But lo, we did it anyway. And lo, we got absolutely pounded with 9 days of gas for $120. I mean seriously, we didn't even keep our house that warm, it was maybe 70 degrees, maybe. So we turned the gas back off, and now have again resorted to space heaters in the bedrooms and kitchen. The trick is that you have to keep the doors to those rooms closed so that the air can re-circulate through the heater and actually heat itself up. So our bedrooms are about 68, and the rest of our house is 42. It doesn't exactly make for a very social atmosphere when everyone just comes home and goes into their room to remain alive.

Please leave comments indicating your middle name.

What does debutant mean?

2005-12-01T12:09:00.000-06:00

First off, I must admit, I don't even know how to spell this word- debutant? debutante? deb-you-tont. I am going to go with debutante, it seems more formal even if it is wrong. Breaking news, my roomate just verified that it is indeed debutante.

Okay here's the setting. I'm sitting at Starbucks today with a student and we were talking about his Thanksgiving break. He informed me that he traveled to Jackson, Mississippi because his girlfriend, a sophomore here at Vanderbilt, was being presented at a debutante ball. This whole concept is very new to me. I had heard the word a couple of times before moving to Nashville, but I guess when you grow up in small town Oklahoma, your pickings for presentees at a debutante ball are pretty slim. My fiance Sarah grew up in Louisiana and her family does the debutante thing and so I have recently heard more on the subject.

So here we are talking about what it means for a girl to be a debutante. It is a formal way of telling 'society'(which i hear is code for other wealthy people in the area) that this girl is making her debut as an eligible woman. Now as best as I can tell, this guy really likes his girlfriend and they seem to be a good match. I think pretty highly of them both and would be fairly confident that they could get married next summer and the marriage would last. When I suggested to him that he should marry her, he said 'No way man, she would flip out. Her parents too.' And then he just kind of laughed as if I had just spilled the punchline to some joke.

I'm confused, if a girl has been debuted to society as being eligible, and furthermore, if her father is the one who presents her! then why is it so taboo to suggest that the girl could be married? Things intensified when the girlfriend walked into Starbucks and I brought her into the conversation. She gave about the same response as he did, implying that I was crazy. Am I crazy? I think I'm just calling a spade a spade.

By the way, what does 'calling a spade a spade' mean? I think it means the same thing as 'calling it the way I see it.' Is that true?

Rollerblades and Cigarettes

2005-11-21T18:47:00.000-06:00

I am home in Oklahoma (which as you know is always prone to spur a blog or two) for a few days for Thanksgiving before heading down to Louisiana to see the person who I am most thankful for in my life. My parents dropped our membership to the country club because none of us chitlins are home any more to enjoy it, which makes sense, which is also the reason that I take advantage of Mondays when the Office at the Club are closed. It was a beautiful day here in Duncan so I decided to go play some golf. I was playing by myself and suprisingly played pretty well, but something else today jogged my memory.

Behind the green on #6 there is this little place on the clubhouse where you can jump up and sit down, kind of bench-like. It is completely hidden by trees and it was the perfect place for a few rollerblading middle schoolers to go hang out. Chris Darling, Booth Boughan and I criss-crossed this town nearly every day on our rollerblades. I had Aeroblades, and Booth and Chris has Coolblades. We did lots of really really crazy/stupid things. We would find our way up onto our old elementary school and then skate really fast on the flat roof and drop 6ft down to the ground. We flew down stairs just like the professional skaters do, but by far the stupidest thing we did was when we would hide behind bushes near a stop sign and we would wait for a pick-up to come by. When the truck would start moving, we would dart out from behind the bush and grab on to the tailgate and hold on as the pickup went down the road. How stupid, right? Right. Sometimes trucks would go as fast as 30mph and there we would be, just hanging on the back smiling, being stupid.

And then we would take breaks, and they would smoke cigarettes and dip Copenhagen. It made me sick after a few tries so I abstained. But we were really cool, really cool. Don't ever forget that.

Oh i had forgotten

2005-11-08T23:43:00.000-06:00

To avoid sounding very Americentric or racist, I must start by saying, I AM NOT MAKING FUN OF THE PEOPLE THAT I AM ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT. I don't know exactly what I am doing, but I am not making fun of them.

Tonight we had a flag football game here at Vandy and as I was strolling up to where our team was getting ready, I saw something that really warmed my heart. It was 1 very dark complected (maybe native African?) and 1 middle eastern guy throwing the football around. And it was funny, quite funny. It looked as if fingers were being jammed every time an attempt to catch was made. And it made me laugh really, because I just assume that people know how to throw (generally speaking of course) the football, and then I remember that football is pretty much an American thing. People in England even try to throw the football underhanded like a rugby ball would be thrown. If I were still a betting man, I'd put my black chips on the fact that they would kill me at soccer, hands down, no questions asked if given the chance.

And the best part about all this is that it drew me back to my college years. I would occasionally take this one route from my dorm to the golf course in Norman and I would drive by some international housing and see Chinese people playing basketball. Everyday. They played basketball everyday. And they were awful. Awfully awful, and I am no basketball star by any stretch. But there was so much fun to be had in watching them shoot the ball. Flat palms shoving a ball toward the rim. Stress on rim. They didn't grow up playing basketball, and I didn't grow up playing ping pong. They would probably laugh at me if I were in China, but for now, I laugh. Is that bad?

Grace, goodies, and a brass trash can

2005-11-03T08:40:00.000-06:00

Do you know that feeling when you have something that happens to you that is exactly the opposite of what you thought? This happened to me yesterday and it was really an amazing thing.

It reminded me of a story that Ricky Jones, the campus minister at Mississippi state told one time about one of his boys disobeying his mother and when Ricky got home from work, the boy was expecting a spanking, but instead Ricky took him to get ice cream. And thus, to this boy, he shewed grace. Really, this same thing happened to me yesterday and it really caught me off guard, and it makes me wonder what I think grace is most of the time. I think it is usually this thing where God kind of forgives me, but is still very mad about the thing(s) that I have done. I don't really believe that it can be as good as it is. And the kicker is that it is this kindness that makes me want to repent and stop doing what i have been doing....romans 2:4.

And now for the goodies. I say goodies because there is this old guy who goes to our church and his name is john macalwee. we call him macalwee. he is really funny, makes occasional inappropriate comments, and then tells the same stories to you dozens of times over. but he is very cool and very nice for an 70 or so year old man. he recently sold the 4 story condo that he lives in because he is moving to a 1 story house. he told me to come over and that he would give me some 'goodies'. and yes, that's the exact word he used. my roomate told me that he was looking to unload some speakers on me, but i had no idea what else.
-3 ugly small vases (that went from the highest shelf in his kitchen above the fridge, to the highest shelf in my kitchen above the fridge)
-1 piece of glass that he put an ugly blue glass bowl on top of
-1 ugly blue glass bowl
-1 black turkey roasting pan
-7 bathroom hand towels
-1 big, ugly brass boot that sits next to a fireplace and holds fireplace tools (or beer, the Royal B?)
---and my personal favorite. we were standing in his kitchen, after i had made several trips already to my car with his other crap, and he said with this really excited look in his eye...

John- "I want you to go into that bathroom, and look on the floor. There is a brass trashcan. Its yours (him pointing at my chest at this point)."
Brent- "John, thats nice, but I'm not sure we need that right now, we have a bathroom trashcan (not to mention, it has probably had poop paper in it and assuntry other gross things)"
John- "You might not need it now, BUT WOMEN LOVE THOSE THINGS."
Brent- Pause, wonder why Sarah would ever love this, enter bathroom, wonder how the hell i was talked into this, pick up brass trashcan and take it to my car. Unload from car, put in trash bin.

holy crap that was hard

2005-10-17T17:57:00.000-05:00

So today I began training for hopefully what in six months will be a marathon. Let's set a little groundwork here so that you can hurt with me as I describe today's festivities.
1) I only run for fun and exercise. Mostly exercise because it hurts many things on my body to run.
2) When I do run on occasion, i usually go between 2&3 miles.
3) I haven't run in about 4 weeks.
4) My 'training buddy' ran cross-country in high school.
5) He is 6'2 with legs that are about 5' tall.
6) The longest I have run in my life is 8 miles, and that because I was lost. I didn't run for 4 months after that because it was so miserable.

Today we ran 6 miles. We ran 6 miles in 48 minutes. We ran 6 miles in 48 minutes and I was coughing so bad at the end of it that i literally thought i was going to throw up for 5 minutes. 6 miles!!! That's my second longest run in my life, and it was on purpose. I hurt. Lots of things on me hurt, but if that isn't bad enough....we are runnning again tomorrow. Its only going to be 20-30 minutes, it's called a 'recovery' run. That is an oxymoron. A paradox if ever there were. I recover by sitting on the couch, and for some reason I have decided to do something to my body which requires me to run in order to recover. I'm an idiot.

A Corbin-esque Day

2005-10-06T19:14:00.000-05:00

A strange day indeed. I walked out of meeting with a guy for lunch today having parked in the same spot where I have parked for the past year (outside a fraternity house, its really not even a spot, but no one seems to mind) and my car was gone. Towed. I knew it. I wasn't really mad, I figured it was going to happen sooner or later. So I called the place and they told me where my car was. Turns out, the place was only a few blocks away, so I decided to walk. On my way to the wrecker yard, I saw the tow-truck with my car on the back, along with another car, and a police car with his lights on. Strange.

As I got closer I began to see that there was a wreck. I asked the police officer what had happened, and he said that the wrecker had backed my car into someone elses car. I had some paints damage and a light that was knocked out of alignment by a little bit, but nothing too noticeable. But here's the kicker. The wrecker let my car down, and didn't make me pay for the tow. And if that's not enough, he told me to go get an estimate for my car and then he would cut me a check for the damamge.

As strange as all of that happenings were, its really the best case scenario that could have happened. No $60 for the tow, a check for something that I might get fixed on my car. Life is good, right?

Momentarily yes. I then proceeded to go over to Sarah's house to re-hang a mirror for her and her roomates. None of them were home and so I used the key under the mat to get in. I entered and re-hung the mirror in a matter of minutes, then i realized that i needed to use the bathroom(#2). So i entered the bathroom leaving the door open and assumed game position. Well as soon as I touched the cool seat, i heard the front door to their apartment open. Not Sarah, no that would have been more manageable. It was one of her roomates, and I was in the bathroom with my pants down. I froze. I stood back up (luckily I hadn't began) and walked out in the den with my pants being held together by my hands, boxers still down under my shorts in an awkward position. My words were a jumble when I walked out, I made a fool of myself in front of Melise, and then went in and actually did the job. That may not make much sense, but it was horrendously awkward. I would have traded places with anyone at that moment.

Surprising, no. Awkward, yes.

Blessing from an idol?

2005-09-27T11:45:00.000-05:00

I was talking to my friend Wade earlier today and the topic of my recent engagement came up, which is kind of par for the course right now, and he said something that made me think and made me very thankful. Something to the effect of, "Brent, you are living proof that the Lord uses our idols to bless us." What Wade and many of those close to me know is that I idolized the idea of marriage for a long time in my life. I thought that being married would make me sooooooo happy, and that it would solve most of my immediate problems and assuage my fears. And sadly, I still think this at times, I still look to Sarah to provide for me only that which the Lord can give. And yet He still gives. He still is allowing me to marry Sarah, he is giving me that which was an idol in my life for so long. In essence, God is working in typical upside-down kingdom fashion and using something that I substituted and worshipped instead of him, to now be the greatest blessing in my life. Blessing where cursing is deserved? Typical, so very typical.

The Sunday routine...

2005-09-25T16:48:00.000-05:00

I just woke up from a 2 hour nap. On most Sundays I always wake up from a 2 hour nap at some point. That what Sundays are for. I got up as usual for church this morning after a rare(but wonderful) 8 hours of sleep the night before. It is so nice to sit in church and not yawn the whole time. I usually watch golf, or sometimes, very rarely, I will watch an NFL game in the fall, but usually golf. It is almost as if the Lord designed Sundays to rest....

So what do you guys think about the 4th commandment? You know, the one about remembering the Sabbath and keeping it holy? There is also language about resting. So how much work is too much work? How do we honor the Lord in our rest, and what does that look like? This idea seems quite foreign in our time, but I began to see the beauty in it a few years ago, and it has surely changed my outlook on Sundays...

The big night....part III

2005-09-13T21:39:00.000-05:00

After returning home to Nashville, I had set up a time to go to Baton Rouge and talk with her parents about the possibility of marrying Sarah. I flew down there and took them out to dinner, and after much talking.....they gave me the OK. I then flew to Dallas to meet my older brother Sean and his wife Keri so we could go ring shopping. I had the store send the ring to Oklahoma instead of Nashville....one of the best decisions of my life.

I decided that I wanted to ask Sarah to marry me at a park here in Nashville that is BEAUTIFUL. It has this huge entrance with about 100 stone steps leading up to this ampitheather area. It has a distinct Civil War time feel, and is just really cool. I had been coordinating with Katie Malone, the girls RUF intern here at Vanderbilt about setting up alot of candles in the ampitheater of the park. Alot of candles. We arrived back in Nashville after a weekend in Oklahoma with my parents and I drove her out to the park and lied about why we were going there. But it was all part of the plan. She had her eyes closed, thinking it was because I wanted her to wait and see this park from a certain spot. I carried her down into the middle of the candles, and when she opened her eyes, there I was, shaking like a wet dog.

I asked.

She said yes.

The ring fits, she loves it.

We are going to get married on May 27.

Thanks for reading.

Meet Sarah.....my fiance......part II

2005-09-08T13:33:00.000-05:00

About a week after I had received word from the other girl that she didn't want to go out, I got in the car and drove about 600 miles to Baton Rouge, LA. I must confess, this trip wasn't entirely to see Sarah, it was also to see my buddy Matt who was teaching at the LSU RUF meeting that night. But at any rate, Sarah was in town, and I saw her, and I told her what went down with the other girl, etc. In true Sarah fashion, she looked at me and asked if she could have a few days to think about it, and that she would let me know when she came back up to Nashville in a few days. I accepted her proposal.

-LONGEST TWO DAYS EVER-

When she arrived back in Nashville, I went over to her apartment, and after a little bit of small talk, I asked her what she had decided. She told me to 'ask her some questions.' So my first question was,"will you go out on a date with me on Thursday?" to which she answered "YES." Did yall catch that? She said YYYYEEEEESSSS! I immediately stood up and threw my hands in the air. Then I asked her what had changed to make her like me. She said, "I'll tell you someday" which I both hated and loved to hear. Hated, because I was curious, but loved because it meant that she was thinking about being with me in the future. So that was June 8, and we began dating.

I was Sarah's first real boyfriend. She has had crushes on different guys before, but had never called anyone her boyfriend, and for that reason, I wanted to take things slow and at her pace so that we could enjoy dating each other, and to not freak her out by moving too fast(which i am/was entirely capable of).

I left to go to Ethiopia on July 28 for 2 weeks, and the night before I left, Sarah said to me something to the effect of, "I don't want to do this(date) much longer." Instead of blurting out, "well then, lets get married" something inside of me mustered up the words to say "lets pray about it and think about it these next few weeks while I am gone and see where we are when i get back." So we did. And while I was gone in Ethiopia, I decided that Sarah was the girl for me and I started making the necessary arrangements to talk to her parents, etc. I also decided that I didn't want to talk a whole lot about marriage with her until I had actually asked her to marry me. After I returned home, the two weeks leading up to the point when I asked her to marry me were a really confirming time that the Lord had brought our hearts together and that we were created for each other, but I still was a little scared that she might say no.

Almost there......part III upcoming......how it all went down

-for those bored with the details, i love the show 24, and it is full of details. And I figure if I can't star in the show, I might as well try to write my own drama, and to try to entice you to the next episode like Keifer does week after week

Meet Sarah.....my fiance

2005-09-07T13:18:00.000-05:00

As you may or may not have read in the last post, I am engaged. And due to the fact that I no longer live near many of the people who I grew up with or went to college with, many of you do not know Sarah....so I will introduce yall to each other, and what better place to do this than in my blog.

Sarah Rathbone was born and raised in Clinton, Louisiana, a bustling country town of 2,000 about 30 miles north of Baton Rouge. After graduating from Silliman Institute in Clinton in 1999, she went to Baylor University in Waco, TX. She spent 5 years at Baylor studying psychology and involving herself in various activities including RUF. After she graduated from Baylor in 2004, she began the Doctor of Physical Therapy program at Belmont University in Nashville.

We met last October on a Wednesday night after one of the Vanderbilt RUF meetings, and shortly after that, we began to spend alot of time together in groups, and then more and more often with just each other. I didn't ask her out until we returned from Christmas break in January, but given the amount of time that we had spent together and seeing how much we enjoyed each other, I was pretty confident that she would go out with me. I was wrong.

I asked her out for the first time in mid-January, she said that her feelings had changed, and I was left crushed. I couldn't take no for an answer. So I didn't, and I asked her out about two weeks later. Same story, NO. I was pretty crushed at that point, seeing as how I had just been told No by a girl for the 1st and 2nd time in my life. Pride was dwindling.

For the rest of the Spring, I took a few girls out on dates, but each time afterwards, something wasn't right, I wanted them to be like Sarah. I fondly remember sitting in Brian Habig's (our campus minister at the time) office and telling him that I just wanted Sarah Rathbone to like me, and being so frustrated that she didn't. Meanwhile, during the spring, I was still around Sarah a few times per week, usually at church or hanging out with friends from church and we maintained a friendship, albeit a little difficult because I wanted her to like me. Then at the end of April, it was time. It was time to ask her out again. She had been warming up to me nicely for the previous few weeks, and I knew that the soup was right. NO. Not just no, but "Brent, I just don't have romantic feelings for you." Ouch, that was kind of like a chip going down my throat sideways, it hurt. So I was done. No more asking her out, nothing. I didn't want to keep bugging her.

I left about 1 week later to go to the RUF summer conferences in Panama City, FL. It was nice to be down there, and lo and behold, one of the RUF girl interns and I starting talking a little bit, and we went out with a few other interns on a group date in between summer conference weeks. We talked about keeping in touch and trying to maybe go out again in the summer and that's about where the status stood when Sarah came rolling into Florida for the 2nd week of conference.

Long story somewhat shortened. Sarah came to me and said that her feelings had changed. I was floored, didn't know what to do, but told her that it was bad timing because I had told this other girl that we would try to go out again in the summer. The girl called me and told me that she didn't want to go out or see each other again, and if there was ever more providential timing in my life, it has gone unnoticed.

Stay tuned for installment #2....................

How would you say.....Marriage?

2005-09-05T09:50:00.000-05:00

What is the correct terminology if one wants to express the fact that they entered into an agreement to be married. Is it, I got engaged?(you're not actually getting anything) Or I am engaged?(a strong contender, imho) Or I have entered into engagement?(too long) I think for now, I will go with this....

I am engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right, I'm getting hitched. The ole better half, tieing the knot, doing the deed, picking a broad. Whatever you want to call it, I am doing it. I asked Sarah Rathbone to marry me last night amidst a flurry of jumbled words. All I remember is that she said yes. She was so very surprised, it was wonderful. Details will be forthcoming in another post.....

What does it take?

2005-09-01T02:19:00.000-05:00

I am not sure what it takes to get 80 people to read your blog and comment about how great it is, and then try to sell you Chinese vases or other similar luxuries, but I have done it (see comments on the last post). If anyone know how to block those let me know.

I can't quit thinking about the people who have been devastated by the hurricane. I am scared about New Orleans. I think the city is finished. I think it is going to cease to be a city. I may be too overly pessimistic, but I think this event is going to create a huge string of events that eventually lead to a major stock market crash, largely fueled by $4 gasoline. I don't think America can handle that on a macro scale. What do you guys think? Am I crazy?

When is it going to stop?

2005-08-31T14:02:00.000-05:00

As I am glued to the news channels and cnn.com looking at the terrible destruction by Katrina, I wonder when is it going to stop getting worse? New Orleans keeps getting worse, not better, and it was 2 full days ago that the storm came through. The water keeps rising, more people are being confirmed dead, etc. When is it going to stop?

Then I had this thought. I went running yesterday at about 11:00am until about 11:30am and then I did some stretches for about 10 minutes afterward. Then I got into a nice cold shower expecting that when I get out I am going to be clean and cooled off. But I'm not. How can I feel clean when I get out of the shower and I am still sweating? I kept sweating until about 12:30pm. When is it going to stop? I keep asking myself. I do not even feel that hot, but I still sweat. It's wierd, and I know its probably so very natural, but it feels so very un-natural. Like a un-natural disaster, or a natural disaster. I don't know.

Life again as I knew it

2005-08-25T00:09:00.000-05:00

Tonight was our first RUF large group meeting of the new school year. I spent some time today thinking of this time last year when I was fresh on the campus of Vanderbilt. I was very intimidated by people 5 years less my age with pink polo shirts with flipped up collars and inevitable Rainbow brand flip flops. I walked around for many days, weeks, and even months wondering what my job as an "intern" was. I was insecure, I worshipped peoples approval of me and wanted to be known by the students so bad, that I would spend countless hours up on campus just thinking that I might meet someone new or that perhaps I might run into the handful of people who I had met. I often did not give myself the grace to fail at my job, even though I was doing it right and left. I wanted to think that I was doing my job well, but often times in ministry, you don't know if you've done well until many many years down the road. But what I tried to hold out to them last year, and hopefully this year too, is a person who has screwed up alot, but believes in the Gospel of grace and forgiveness through Jesus Christ. I hope this year is as enjoyable as last year was. I hope many more students come to Christ for the first time, and I hope for those who already believe that they would be strengthened, encouraged, brought low and raised up by the power of the Gospel. I hope the same is true for myself, as I continue to struggle with seeking my identity from everything but the one place where I know that I am found.

So here I sit

2005-08-18T19:06:00.000-05:00

In Houston Hobby airport. Its the same place I have been for the last two hours. The plane was supposed to leave at 7:10, but instead we're going to cut a little time and go ahead and leave at 9:15. And I am the sucker, because I bought the internet subscription for $6.95. You know, I was going to write a very creative post about the people that I am seeing here and the people that I am sitting around, but I'm just too mad. I want to go home. I feel like I have been in airports for half the summer. I can't wait for school to start next week so that my job can begin. Peace

Camp Southwest

2005-08-17T09:50:00.000-05:00

I flew yesterday from Nashville to Oklahoma City via Southwest Airlines. I have heard that Southwest is a really good company to work for, but i have also heard that it is kind of cultishly strange. My older brother interviewed with Southwest during his senior year of college and said that at his interview, he was dressed up in a pig costume and was forced to do his whole interview in a pink pig costume.

And then you get on the flights, and the attendants are so different from all other airlines. I think they actually enjoy their jobs and are happy to tell you how to use the seat belts.

Now I am here in Duncan, which usually affords some good stories, stay tuned.....

Back in the Saddle

2005-08-16T00:54:00.000-05:00

Whatever that means, i am not sure because I don't own a saddle, but I will tell you one thing, I went on a mule ride while in Africa and the guy who rented the mules wanted me to buy him a new saddle. He said that when I decided to speed the mule up to more of a 'trot' that something broke in the saddle and that I should buy him a new one for 300 birr (Ethiopian money, about $40US). I didn't and didn't feel obligated to, but he sure wasn't happy with me. I am anticipating writing a long blog about my thoughts of the Africa trip, so please stay posted. Its good to be back in America for sure. I just got wireless in my new house which hopefully means another semester of midnight posts of things that i shouldn't post. Enjoy at my expense.

That sure is a cute leaf you have

2005-07-26T15:08:00.000-05:00

I had this thought last night...

I talk to many of my friends who are 'newly' married and the resounding comment about their lives is that marriage shows them how selfish they are. So here is my thought, God created Adam and Eve and joined them together in the garden before sin had entered the world. Given this fact, they didn't need to be shown how selfish they were, because they weren't selfish. After the fall, I imagine that Eve was constantly telling Adam how much of a selfish jerk he was, and He always commenting on she only talked about how her leaves looked, etc. So, does God in his wonderful design of marriage create this sanctifying experience before the fall, i.e. does he build it into the DNA of Adam and Eve that they are going to be the tool through which God sanctifies them and makes them less selfish, each to the other? I guess the bigger question is, does God create a man and woman who are born into a sinless world with the capacity to deal with sin later in their lives? What do you think? Am I crazy to even think this?

Its gonna be a little touch and go

2005-07-24T23:24:00.000-05:00

For all of the fans of this site, I have yet another confession to make. My posts are going to be a little sporatic for the next few weeks. I've just moved into a new place without internet and I am also leaving on Thursday to go to Ethiopia on a mission trip for 2 weeks. I don't think I'll be able to post from over there, but maybe, we'll see. Hopefully I'll leave a little jewel on this site before I leave though. Please be praying for me and the others going if you think about it. Thanks so much! Peace

I'll have plastic, please

2005-07-12T14:27:00.000-05:00

A very, very strange/embarrassing/disgusting thing happened with me just a few hours ago. I had been out running some errands after a long stint away from Nashville- you know, trip to the bank, working out, and then on to the grocery store. I was making my normal routine around the Green Hills Kroger, fruits and vegetables, shaved turkey, milk while I'm waiting on the turkey to be shaved, then chicken and beef, cereal, orange juice, frozen vegetables, and then on to check out. I had felt a litte bit light headed after my work out, but that is somewhat normal after coming back from several weeks off. So as I was checking out, the urge hit me. You know the one- the one where you start taking lots and lots of deep breaths in an effort not to lose it......and then it happened. As I am in line at the self check-out, i grabbed a plastic bag, dropped to my knees, and then threw up in the bag several times. I will spare you details, but it was terrible. I am so glad it was 1:30pm and not 5:30pm when that place is a zoo. But nevertheless, it happened. I am sorry to the poor woman who was attending the self check-out lanes, and she was so very sweet to bring me an ice pack to put on my then 125 degree face, and if you are her, and you are reading this blog- thank you very much, and again I am sorry.

Did you hear what Susan did last night?

2005-06-30T14:34:00.000-05:00

After leaving my older brother and his wife's house this morning on my way to Tulsa, on my way to Ft. Smith, on my way to Nashville, on my way to North Carolina, I stopped by a Starbucks in Edmond, OK to do some reading before heading on up to Tulsa. I felt compelled to order something at the store since I was the only one in there, and I kind of felt like everyone was looking at me. Vain, i know, but they were. So i ordered some frozen thing, i don't know what it was, but there was a picture of it and it looked good, and it didn't dissapoint. I proceeded to go over to the comfortable chairs and that is where the learning began...

Lessons for the day:
#1) On a recommendation from one of my pastors in Nashville, I began to read Geerhardus Vos' The Pauline Eschatology. He said that the first three chapters of this book would change my life. Well, I guess I am going to have to wait for a life change because I crawled through 1.5 PAGES and realized that I did not understand anything that was being discussed. If the Greek and Hebrew words weren't enough to lose me, there were plenty of words in another language that I didn't understand- English. Humbled, I put this little jewel back in my bag to save it for a rainy, rainy, more educated day. And I pulled out...

#2) Dispensationalism: Rightly Dividing the People of God by Keith A. Matthison. In order to keep this blog to less than novels length, I will summarize and say this book is very helpful and readable as it discusses the shortcomings of Dispensational theology in view of the Scriptures. However, as I was reading this book, I was often distracted by...

#3) The two middle aged, divorced women sitting in the chairs next to me. I learned several interesting things from them. A. (note the letter for a subpoint, in true outline form) 50yr. old women say the same thing about relationships that my 20yr old students say. A direct quote from the woman who never took her face-engrossing sunglasses off "I just like (boyfriend)Gary because he doesn't play games, he tells me how he feels. He is always real honest." That statement was followed by her talking about how Gary wants her to move with her to the farm(which, agreeably, most 20yr olds don't have) and to live upstairs, because "he says that the upstairs is pretty much its own little apartment. And He says that if I like living with him then I can move in downstairs to his room." Given, I don't know this lady or Gary very well yet, but I am going to go ahead and say- as I would to a 20yr old- that its going to be kinda hard for ol' Gare Bear to stay downstairs when he is supposed to (and visa versa, women aren't above this). If I were still a betting man, I take the odds on the stairs seeing a bit of late night traffic. I also learned that 50yr old women love to gossip. These ladies talked about Susan Somebody till they were red in the face, and I'm telling you, I have some dirt on Susan now. I think that I probably talk about people too much too, but I don't talk about Susan because I don't know who she is.

I hate em, i do, i really do

2005-06-23T21:42:00.000-05:00

I hate mosquitos. I'm okay if they bite me on the arm or the leg or somewhere where its normal to scratch them. But why do the little bastards have to bite my freaking feet? Once I start to scratch/itch them, i end up doing it until they bleed pretty much. It just makes me mad more than anything. In a related fashion, I have to get a series of rabies shots before I go to Ethiopia. Why do I have this mental image that this needle is going to look more like an ice pick? Is it because the shots are $165/shot? Is it because dogs who have rabies foam at the mouth? Will I foam at the mouth after I get the vaccination? They tell me that its 'live', and that scares me a little bit. I'm not sure I want a shot to be alive in my stomach. Stay posted, i'll let you know when i start the foaming...

Changed

2005-06-20T22:53:00.000-05:00

I am writing about something that has been working its way through my mind and heart for the last 6 months or so. I wanted to write about it last week, but my computer wasn't working, so here it is now.

Do you remember being in junior high or maybe even high school, when people used to tell someone, 'You've changed.' What they might have well said was, you are Satan. By this little phrase, what was meant was that person A did not like person B anymore, and person A believes it is because person B has changed. I can remember girls telling this to guys when they wanted to break up. No, it didn't happen to me, because if you will remember, I was the chubby pre-pubescent kid in 7th and 8th grade with an abridged list of guy friends, and a non-existing list of those from the opposing sex. well, thats not completely true, i had a girlfriend for 1 day in 8th grade, and she broke up because on day 2 of our relationship, i said that I loved her. I don't think i loved her, actually i'm quite sure i didn't. I think i had probably seen a movie and seen some guy say that to a girl, and all of a sudden they were so happy. Its really funny when i look back at the fact that i even liked this girl, because she was what the guys might have considered to be a little bit 'skanky.' But lo, we barely talked, we didn't kiss, actually i'm really not even sure we talked, but I did say I love you, which has to count for something. all of this is a nice intro to something completely different that I actually wanted to talk about....

A few Sundays ago, I went to a church service in Nashville at a church called CityChurch. it is a plant of Christ Community Church PCA, and it is in east Nashville, which has the most diverse demographic of any part of Nashville. Several of the members of the worship team were black, one hispanic, and I think one white girl sitting down playing the mandolin. The crowd that night was predominately white, but there were a few of varying race, and many from different financial spheres I would assume. In an introduction to his sermon, the pastor that night was talking about how if we are ever to love the poor and the oppressed, and the marginal people of this world, we have to have relationships with them. He argued that we can't simply show up and throw food and money at them and think that we are loving them, for all that is is a dressed up form of pity, and people see right through that from miles away. If Christ came to redeem the whole man, then why do we think that we can just care for the physical aspects of some people and think that we have fulfilled our mandate and call to show mercy and love to those around us. I didn't like hearing this, and I didn't like it to the point that I knew it was true.

Earlier this semester, I led a Bible study with RUF over the book of James. One thing I noticed in James, and really, throughout the whole of scripture, but specifically in James, is the idea that we need to be careful about calling ourselves Christians if we are doing nothing to care for the marginal people of this world. Christ was so familiar with this work, that it characterized much of his ministry here on earth. One thing that I noticed this spring is that the Bible goes to great lengths, even devoting entire chapters, to tell about wealthy/powerful men such as Zacchaeus or Nicodemus coming to faith and then seemingly in the several verses following, the Scriptures talk about thousands of poor people coming to Christ and trusting him. This is a theme. It is hard for the rich to understand the gospel (the rich young ruler, prime example), and if you are reading this, then you are rich. We have so much to learn, the pastor said, from those who are poor. Perhaps they have been privvy to seeing kingdom work that we have no idea what it looks like.

To further these thoughts in my mind, I have made friends with a Sudanese guy here in Nashville named Folena , and subsequently with his roomate Goker (pronounced joker) by teaching English lessons to him. I was eating dinner with them the other night, and Goker was talking about growing up in Sudan. Yall, it was unbelievable what they went through growing up!!! Dictators would come in and just annihilate whole people groups and tell them that if they didn't convert to Islam, then they could not get jobs, and basically starve to death. Now I know this is not directly related to the poor, but this is all of the same stuff. I had no idea that this happened, I have no idea what it means to love those less fortunate(at least as is concerning physical goods) why? Probably because I was out playing golf, or because I was wondering if I was having steak or chicken at night. Now before I swing the pendulum completely too far to that extreme, I just want to make this point: I am thankful for what I have. I am thankful for what the Lord has provided me with. I am thankful for my parents provision and their raising me. But I am in love with myself, my comforts, my country, and people who look like me. What does it really mean to repent of the American dream(as Derek Webb sings of it)? I think we stop too short in saying that we refuse to let money drive us. I think that it means that we have to stop seeing ourselves as the only significant people in our worlds. Scoff all we want, but that is what we do. When was the last time we actually prayed for the poor people around us? I would guess, given his actions, that Jesus did this all the time!!!!

So as I was talking to the friend that night in the car after church, we talked, and then there was silence. I asked her what she was thinking, and she said that she was just thinking as to what she could do around her to love these kind of people. In my mind, that is where this gets hard. I mean, are we just supposed to roll up right in the middle of ghetto nashville and start talking to people? Maybe so? Do we need to go through some type of ministry or agency? Maybe so? How do rich white people love those around us who aren't the same without merely showing them pity? Maybe we should move into their neighborhoods? Lots of people I know of in Nashville have done this very thing, and guess what, they know tons of poor people. Maybe we should attend church or heaven forbid maybe even join a church in an area that is different from our normative demographic. I dont' know.

I do know that the way that I see some things has changed though, but I fear my love of what is easy will keep me from desiring continued change. Lord, please that it would not be so. What would it look like if Christians were to humble ourselves to actually love the marginalized people, instead of acknowledging that our church supports a ministry that helps them. Blessed are those who are poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. This scares me, and I'm sure if you think about it, it will you too. Les Newsom, the RUF campus minister at Ole Miss, was teaching through the book of Mark and and parables, and he came to the rich young ruler, and he said something that I haven't forgotten since. Right after he finished talking about the rich man going through the eye of the needle, he looked around the room and said something to this effect, "guys, 99% of you in here are the rich man. it is hard, if not impossible for us to enter the kingdom of heaven, because we don't see our need." and this is what stunned me, "so do you want to know what our hope of being saved is? do you want to know how it is that so many of the people in this room can call Jesus savior? predestination. that's it, predesination. the P word. that God comes down and chooses people who would never acknowledge Him on their own, and brings them into the family."

I really don't see my need of Jesus like I should because I have so many things that cloud my view. I think that is why the poor flocked to Jesus. They didn't have the clouds in the way, they had a clear view of who He was. When He began to talk about being adopted into his family and made partakers of his great wedding banquet, people's gloom was turned to joy, because to them(and I would suspect many people today) this was an invitation to a life that seems too good to be true. Isn't that it though, the gospel is too good to be true. Jesus calls poor and rich alike to eat together with Him, so why don't we?

Alas, my computer got the hiv

2005-06-20T00:23:00.000-05:00

I am writing you, my dear friends, of whom I may know as few as 0, again from my quaint little hometown of Duncan. No good stories about Duncan yet, but they are sure to follow. I have been having some problems with my blogging machine in Nashville and as a result, I haven't been able to post any of the several ideas that I have had over the past few weeks....but wait impatiently no longer.

The first thing that I need to share with you all is something that happened to me at the gym the other day. It wasn't the first time, but it had been a while, and so it caught me off guard again, and rightly so. Picture me walking into the workout room of the Green Hills YMCA thinking of how much I don't want to be there when I see this-> a red headed guy about my age standing in front of the free weight rack (the ones that you would do curls with, one in each hand) looking into the mirror. He is listening to something on his headphones when he breaks into this wonderful and all-together hysterical robotic-like dance routine in which he doesn't even crack a smile. He does it so non-chalantly(sp?) that I wonder if he thinks that we all think he is the invisible man and that we can't see when he does this. I know I can't be the only person in there who has had to quit the exercise that I am working on to just sit and watch in amazement/wonder as this is happening. I can't figure out if I am puzzled by him, or just jealous because he is so fluid in his movements.

Stay tuned, there shall be many more blogs in the upcoming days...

Lets get religous

2005-06-09T23:23:00.000-05:00

So I was sitting at this coffee shop a couple of days ago here in Nashville and I overheard a conversation that went something like this...

setting: three men talking as they walk out of the place

Man 1 to Men 2&3, "Man, he used to let my kids come over and play all the time, but man, he got religion and ever since then he thinks I'm the antichrist and he won't let them come over any more."

The use of the phrse 'got religion' has always been very intruiguing to me and it usually always makes me laugh.

Sub-Culture vs. Counter-culture

2005-06-07T14:38:00.000-05:00

I stumbled across a discussion between Kevin Twit (RUF Campus Minister @ Belmont University), Derek Webb, and another man who I didn't know about the topic of Christianity as a subculture versus Christianity as a counterculture. The MP3 of this conversation can be found HERE.

The discussion that they have focuses alot on what our role as Christians is in our culture (as you might guess). The big question which guides their discussion is what does it look like to be IN the world, but not OF the world. The arguement hinges upon these two prepositions, IN & OF. Some Christians say we shouldn't be IN or OF(fundamentalists, withdrawn), some say we should be IN and OF (possibilities are endless when we ascribe to worldliness in our thoughts and actions, we are no longer different in any sense of the word), and then there is the misconstuence of what it means to be IN but not OF(Christian everything- businesses, music, restaurants, etc. etc.).

There was also some questions specifically do Derek about how he does what he does in a Christian industry, yet is so outspokenly against much of what the Christian music industry is doing and stands for as a whole.

It's worth all 83 minutes that it'll take you to listen to it.

We Are BR, the youth of a nation

2005-06-06T22:59:00.000-05:00

Greetings to all who are bored enough to read my blog. If you are like me, it is probably after midnight and you have nothing else to do but to look at random people's blogs and see if you can be entertained. Hopefully your wanderings will end here.

I just returned today from an impulsive trip to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I first thought about going last Thursday at about 11:55am and I left Nashville at 12:15pm (20 minutes later) to embark on the 600 mile journey. My friend and co-intern Matt Howell was on the bill to speak at the LSU Summer RUF that night at 7:30pm. I made it at 7:30pm. That was 600 miles in 7hrs and 15mins, which is an average of 83mph. But the truth is that to average 83, I had to cruise at 95 for most of the way b/c the towns and traffic would bring me down somewhat.

Matt did a great job at his talk and afterward we went out with his campus minister, Keith Burger and the pastor of South Baton Rouge Presbytery Church, Scott Lindsey. Friday was so freakin hot. I've lived in Oklahoma for most of my life, but the hot in Louisiana is just different. You take about 2 steps outside and you're sweating like a banshee. So on Friday, we sweated. And we swam, and just hung out. NOW SATURDAY IS A DIFFERENT STORY. On Saturday we went to a friend's house (the Rathbone's) and rode 4wheelers in a mud pit, and then just ended up swimming, sliding, getting really really nasty in the pit before we headed back to the house for a hose bath. It was one of those smells that you only find in Louisiana and that would be very welcome to stay in Louisiana. It was a big time though, and fun was had by all.

On Sunday we went to SBRPCA. I really enjoyed worshipping with them, it really reminded me of the earlier years of Christ the King PCA in Norman. Nothing too fancy, just Word and Sacrament, which is always wonderful. Afterward, the Rathbones invited a bunch of the college crowd over for lunch and then I left and headed up to Jackson, MISS for the night. I stayed with an old intern with RUF, Brian Sorgenfrei and then headed back to Nashville today. Lots of rain in this part of the country recently, really really heavy rain, which makes for really nice hot and humid afternoons.

DORITOS: In case any of you have not discovered NATURAL DORITOS yet, you must. They are the best thing since organic milk and ovaltine. I have managed to plow through a bag of the cool ranch ones while writing this. You must try them. Not an option, a must.

Group Dynamics

2005-05-27T00:42:00.000-05:00

So I am in Duncan for the weekend to play in a golf tournament. This tournament is a big deal, a really really big deal. Most people pay the $275 to play in it just for the free beer, but not me, I'm grinding out every shot trying to figure out how to win the dang thing so I can make my money back. It has evaded me thus far, but I'm still trying.

Thursday night marks the unofficial beginning to the weekend. In my opinion, I think that the people over at the country club put out a few kegs of beer on this night just to see who will show up. I knew I was going to get my money's worth when I saw the crew that was rolling in tonight. There were a few guys that I played high school golf with, one of who can probably drink a 20 pack and not even feel it(whereas if I had half that, I wouldnt be able to feel my face) and a few others who aren't too far behind. Then there were a few guys that were older than me who I think are married with kids, but I guess they left them behind at the house?? (note to self- not a good move if you want to stay married for any length of time) Then there were a few girls who have 'hovered' around Duncan since high school and who don't have a real legitimate chance of getting out of here unless the rapture comes, and still then they might be left behind... (see the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye for more anecdotal humor).

But in all seriousness, I love this place. Usually for about a week at a time, about twice a year. I have to take Duncan in small doses now, because outside of seeing my family, it can be pretty depressing. Lots of small children who belong to former classmates, lots of stories about people being in and out of rehab, and a few success stories lingering here and there that involve college and jobs and things of that nature.

But we're getting a Chili's. Thats the best thing thats happened to Duncan since the Golden Corral.

Its Been A Long Time Coming...

2005-05-25T23:20:00.000-05:00

Amidst all of the hate mail I have been receiving for not making more posts to my blog, I am doing it. And I lied about the hate mail thing, no one sent me crap, but thats okay. I have been in Florida for 2 weeks, and now in Duncan, OK for the last week. My little brother was married last Saturday to Holly Nelson here in Duncan. It was a great time, other than the ceremony.

The minister got up there and delivered THE SINGLE WORST wedding ceremony I have ever heard. It was embarassing to Chris and Holly, my parents, her parents, and my mom has heard of 5 families leaving this man's congregation because of some things that he said. He kept exalting our parents as if they were deity, and then he spoke of Chris and Holly in such glowing terms, that he acted as if he had never done a wedding between two believers before. It was quite painful.

But I miss Duncan, well, for the most part. There's not too many places where you drive in and in the first 5 minutes, you see a girl in denim coveralls. There also aren't too many places where you play golf and everyone has their own ice chest custom made on the side of their golf cart with a 12-pack of beer that he will drink in a single round alone. Lots of really loud pick-ups, lots of really loud stereos, a handful of lowriders, which are my favorite. In high school, there was this lowrider club called "Sweet Temptations". They all had this logo stamped on their back windshields. I don't know what the requirements for entrance were, but maybe it was just that something on the car had to be loud, really really loud. Muffler, speakers, it didn't matter, but one qualification, it had to be sweet.

I used to want loud speakers in my car. But I figured that I'd save the thousand dollars and go sit in the passenger seat of my buddy's car and let it shake me crazy. It did, lots of times. We played lots of uplifting music like Easy E, TooShort, 2Pac, Westside Connection, and assorted other treasures. Those CDs have the Explicit Lyrics stamp on the front for a reason without a doubt. Thats the tangent of the year, i better go to sleep before I say something i regret.

I'll buy back in.....again

2005-05-03T23:54:00.000-05:00

It seems like my most recent posts have been pretty serious. Well, in the words of Kip, "I guess you could say it's gettin' pretty serious." I think that a pronounced time of not being around Matt Howell has quieted my creative juices, but lo, that all comes to an end on Thursday when we go to Florida for RUF training.

Here's my thought, I love to gamble. I love to gamble. I love to gamble. Gambling is not good for me, yet I love to gamble. I think that when I gamble, I sin, because I don't just do it to enjoy being around the guys. Well, that's not entirely true, but I sure don't enjoy them nearly as much as I enjoy the thought of potentially winning money. Many of you who know me, know this about me. This is no new problem for me. I began gambling on the golf course when I was but a pup. Probably 9th grade or so. I'd play about 8 rounds of golf/week in the summer with the possibility of winning or losing about $100 each round, although it was usually more in the $40 range. Since I have not been playing golf as much, and since I have turned 21, I have managed several trips to casinos (Kansas City, Mississippi, Louisiana, Vegas-but not since I have been living off of support, breathe supporters), and I have only walked out of there with money 1 time. I have also played $5 poker with the students here at Vandy several times, have played online poker and craps (are you kidding me? sadly no), and have never won. So that brings my grand total (and this is an estimate, but not too far off) to 1/100 on times that I have won gambling post-golf-years. I'm not going to try and guess how much has been lost, but its in the several thousands easy. That's really ridiculous. And I'm sitting on my couch, after losing at poker, just like I do every time, and I tell myself that I am finished gambling. No more, no mas.

But it's really not easy for me, because the thought of making easy money is so appealing to me, it always has been. But it doesn't take a genius at all to figure out the odds on me winning. If people were smart, they would play the odds of me losing. They'd win, nearly 100% of the time. Can you see why I think it is sin for me to gamble? There is the obvious one about me not being a good steward, I know. But is it normal that when I am driving down the road I seriously consider driving 4 hours to Tunica, Mississippi to play poker and probably just sleep in my car. The gas alone would be $60, and the poker would probably be about $100 more. Maybe I need to call the hotline for people who have gambling problems. Maybe I need to actually repent and mean it, and decline an invitation to go 'play poker with the guys' (which I have never done, decline that is). I have actually found myself being kind of upset that I am not driving home from summer conference because I can't stop at the casino's in mississippi and louisiana. I am a ridiculous mess. I bet on sports in college, and you guessed it, lost. It happens every fall, i want to bet on football games, and its really not easy for me not to. Some people who read this have no idea what I am talking about, and some of you will. I clearly am looking to money and the thought of winning money to make me happy in some way. It won't, it never will. I have to trust Christ to make me not love money so much, and to change my attitude about making easy money. I have tried to quit on my own, and as many times, I have failed on my own. I have not believed the gospel because my attitude is to feel really guilty after gambling(which = losing) and tell myself that I won't do it again. I think I tried this method in making out with girlfriends. Pretty sure that didn't work either. My strength, my ability to not gamble is in Christ. This really is an addiction for me. I need Christ, I need the body to help me.

Josh Rouse and Trent Dabbs

2005-04-30T01:04:00.000-05:00

If any of you have XM radio, you have surely heard of Josh Rouse by now, and for those who don't have XM, maybe you have been so lucky as to have heard too. My roomate and I and a bunch of other friends went to the Exit/In here in Nashville. It was a really good show. A guy named Trent Dabbs (a former RUFer at Mississippi State with Habig) opened for Josh, and he played a really good set also. I knew only a few of Josh's songs before tonight, but I thought he laid it down pretty sweet like, and I'll probably try to get my hands on some of his music sometime soon.

The Music City Marathon is tomorrow, I am not running. I thought that I might run the half, but once I start training, I remember how much I hate to run. And plus I got shin splints earlier this semester. Man, those things are terrible. And it was almost as terrible trying to work them out. A pretty low key weekend on tap for me.

Peace yall

Hotel Rwanda

2005-04-27T22:20:00.000-05:00

This movie will make you want to be an activist. If it doesn't, then you don't have a heart, or a longing for justice. I just finished writing a 17 page paper, so I am tired of writing, but hopefully something good and funny tomorrow. Peace

Lonely with Everyone Around

2005-04-24T22:48:00.000-05:00

I work with people every day. I have a roomate. I have lots of friends. I am part of a church where there are lots of great people who I am growing to love. I have community. I am lonely.

I decided to write about this after reading a story from a friend about the same subject, and after listening to Habig talk all the time about the biggest problem among the students at Vanderbilt being loneliness. I gave the idea a head nod, and thought myself to be excused from struggling with this. 'It's something they(finger pointed at students) struggle with.' But I was hit with this sometime this week. I am lonely too.

It's not a sit-around-and-twiddle-my-thumbs-kind-of-lonely. Its more subtle. Sin works like that, its usually the real subtle sins that work through your being for a very long time that end up flipping your world upside down. That is how it happens for me at least. Any of you who know me at all, know that I struggle with an idolatry of the idea of marriage. It's not marriage itself, because, well, I have never been married, so that is why I say 'the idea of marriage.' You see, what I think is that one day, Lord willing, I will be married to somebody. And when that day comes, I will be happy, for many reasons, but mainly because I won't be 'lonely' anymore. She will be there to hang out with at nights in the house, I won't have to call people if I want company to dinner, or whatever. And the scary thing is, is that all of these things are true. She WILL be there to watch TV, she WILL go to dinner with me, etc etc. Marriage is a good thing, and there are many many benefits to being married, and that's precisely why for me, this sin is subtle and deceptive.

I don't believe that I am validated and valued in Christ. I don't. I don't believe that Christ is enough. I want to, but today, and many days, I don't. My official theology says that I believe this, but my day to day 'unofficial' theology says otherwise. If I did believe it, why am I so lonely? Why do I think that a girl will validate me, when the Bible says that anything that we look to for life other than Christ is a broken cistern. I look everywhere for someone to validate me, I look everywhere but to Christ.

God loves. In fact, God loves the whole world. And seeing as how God has called me into relationship with him, he loves me in a special way. He loves me in spite of my crap, and not only does he love me, he wants to marry me. I don't know if I would marry me knowing all that I know, but He has seen it all, and wants to marry me anyway. Somehow I think this marriage is better than the one I long for. Would that I believe that the Lord has honeymoon affections for me forever. I need faith to believe that, because that sounds pretty good.

A Farewell

2005-04-21T11:37:00.001-05:00

Last night was our last RUF large group of the year, as was it the last RUF meeting for Brian Habig to be campus minister over. Brian and his family are moving to Greenville, South Carolina to plant a church in the downtown area. It should be a great opportunity for him, and I know the church down there will appreciate his shepherding and teaching. As for last night, it was a great night and a terrible one. Brian was very thankful to everyone for their love and support and commitment to the ministry for the last 4 years, and he was extrememly adoring of his wife, Dana, for her love and care and all for the last 10 years of doing campus ministry (previously at Mississippi State). After Brian preached, Katie and I presented Brian with a few gifts from the group, including a really nice picture of Vanderbilt, a 2yr subscription to Paste magazine, and a gift card to Borders. Of course, I started choking up as I always do at good byes, and so I had to make fun of myself so that everyone wouldn't feel so awkward.

Last night was also a good night because our new campus minister Stacey Croft was in town, and he was able to meet alot of the students. I got up this morning and had breakfast with him and Katie, and we spent a good bit of time just talking and getting to know him better. He and his wife will be here in June, and we are anxiously awaiting his arrival.

But as for Brian, he will be dearly missed. His quirky/hilarious humor will be irreplaceable, and the bonds that he has built with the students will be forever solid, even in his absence. I will miss him, he has been a good boss, and an even better friend.

Triple Threat- Baseball, Beef Jerky, and starBucks

2005-04-19T22:13:00.000-05:00

This day is worth blogging. It got off to a fairly normal start. I woke up, did some reading, and then went out to church to talk to one of our pastors about going to Ethiopia this summer on a mission trip. I met with a guy for lunch, and then went to Starbucks to work on a paper for Brian, my boss. I don't normally go to Starbucks, normally=ever. I don't like coffee, and it was 85 today, so i didn't want hot. But I had a free coupon for any size drink in the store, so I figured this was my time to get one of those cake-like drinks that I see people towing out of the store everyday. A venti (which is the biggest) caramel frappuccino blended coffee drink was the call. This baby was like 6 bucks if I was paying in real life, but instead i flicked over the coupon like I owned the joint. When they scooted my drink to the edge of the counter and called my name, something in me changed. I felt like royalty. I was now a proud owner of whipped cream filled drink that only rich people get everyday. It was good, it was real good, but it hit me like a dumptruck. I felt like I was never going to be able to eat again. As I was leaving, I saw a nutritional guide. I indexed my drink to find that it had....530 calories, 18 grams fat, 83!!! grams of sugar, and other ridiculous numbers. No wonder I didn't eat again until 10 o'clock tonight. Starbucks will make you starFat.

I got the call from the team manager today at about 4:45pm. They needed me at the baseball game. My talent had clearly been heralded since I arrived at Vandy last fall, but it was finally time to resurrect the baseball swing that had last seen action in 7th grade. Half of my life has passed since I last played baseball (softball in this case). I quit because I was scared of the ball, which made me not want to stay in the box, which meant I never hit the ball. Surprisingly, my 7th grade coach gave me the opportunity to stay late one day and practice with the Varsity, but that would have meant 2hrs extra of practice, and i was lazy so I said no. Enough about the distant past. I was genuinely scared that I was going to strike out tonight. They stuck me in right, which was a flattering compiment to my arm strength. Here are the stats: 2 for 2 (2 singles), 3 caught fly balls, 0 errors, 1 mouthful of seeds for intimidation. I think my 7th grade coach was on to something.

When I used to play baseball growing up, I would buy the shredded beef jerky at the baseball fields that was kind of like snuff. It was really good, and it was $1, and I put it in my back pocket. And it came with a baseball card. I had a hobby of collecting these baseball cards, and ahem, the cans that they came in. I had something like 13 different kinds of empty beef jerky cans, and 2 full seasons of beef jerky baseball cards. That's all fun, but here's the kicker. I had to give a speech in 6th grade one time about a hobby, and you guessed it, I talked about my beef jerky cans and the cards. I lied that day, I lied alot. I lied and told them that the cans had come from all over the place, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas and the like. I lied about the value of having such a collection of cans, and surely lied about the apparent worth of having hundreds of round baseball cards that said KING B Beef Jerky on them. I was proud of them, I mean, how could you not be?

Then I went to a sweet African drumming and dance thing tonight. Man, the teacher of that class could dance like nobodys bidness.

The curse

2005-04-15T00:29:00.000-05:00

Often times I wonder when I will know the full extent of the curse of growing up in a small town. I tasted it once again tonight. It shows us in unexpected ways and its kinda fun when it does. So I ended up going to listen to my neighbors play (band name 'The Early Evening'), and it was a really great show. I was alone, which actually made it kind of nice b/c I could just sit in my velvet chair and kick back and enjoy and not have to worry about making conversation. So I did, but here is where the curse comes in. You see, when you grow up in Duncan,OK population somewhere just north of 20K, you don't see alot of famous people. If you run into the bank president you feel more like you just ran into Alan Greenspan. Fame is all relative to our surroundings. For example, in Duncan, I was really famous. I come out to Nashville, and I'm a nobody. I'm recovering though. That's a lie, i've never been famous. But anyhow, as I was sitting there in my velvet chair, I kept thinking that there was someone famous around me. Anyone who was dressed in more than a t-shirt with a pair of rock star jeans on, I supposed was a major player in the record industry just waiting to make my neighbors famous. I somehow felt like I was getting insider information on a new stock offering, and that I knew something that most of the surrounding world didn't. Then I played this game in my mind, and I started wondering if anyone thought that I was someone from a record label, and maybe that's why I was by myself I was concentrating. I was feeling out the stage presence, seeing their magic, really trying to decide if they were the next big thing. But i'm not, I'm not working for a record label. Instead, i'm just hanging out, hair messed up just enough to play the part for a night, wearing my rock star jeans.

Wait, are you talking about me?

2005-04-14T21:32:00.000-05:00

I am realizing again tonight that I am not that far removed from my middle school insecurities. I am going downtown tonight to listen to some of my neighbors play music, and I am going alone. That's right, flying solo. I called everyone in my phone to see if they wanted to go, I called every student that i knew over the age of 21, but no dice. So, i'm sitting on my couch instead, waiting till the last minute to see if anyone calls...

Giving it a try

2005-04-14T17:17:00.000-05:00

Last night at RUF I gave the 'talk' at large group for the first time. I say 'talk' because i can't quite bring myself to call it a sermon when I have had no formal training and am not ordained or a preacher or anything like that (yet). But maybe it was a sermon, who knows. I was pretty nervous leading up to it, but I think that is pretty normal. There were about 200 or so people there, many of whom I know or have met somewhere along the course of this year. I think it went smoothly, people came up afterward and said that it was good. Who knows what that means, other than the fact that they were probably just being nice. But that they were. I appreciated their kindness, and it gives me courage that God was at work through my feeble and often times very convicting words (I say convicting because I talked to a group of cool people about how they don't love and care about others very well, or really at all). I also say convicting because the several days that I spent in preparation were pretty convicting and I would find myself praying that God would allow me to love better b/c I don't do it well either, even when my job is to love and care for others. This is something that I am more and more convinced that has to be learned. We don't come into this world loving people and caring for anyone except the one trapped in my skin. Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz says that "the biggest lie that I have ever contended with is this: That life is about me." I think that is very true, and honestly I don't know how often I actually contend with it. I think I like the fact that I am the most important thing in my life most of the time. I need grace, and I need God to have mercy on me, and to give me eyes to see others, because it isn't natural. It was only natural to one person, and He is the reason that we can ever have hope of being different, ever. Man, i wish someone else would like me as much as i like me. I would probably marry her.

Finally, I have something to ask for on my birthday

2005-04-12T09:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Mom and Dad,

Birthday wish

Please try to find these dolls before they are sold out(or before someone realizes that the 2nd commandment is still in effect...). I really would like the whole collection once it is unveiled.

Sincerely,
Brent

I'm a post-collegiate collegiate athlete- The 2005 United States Collegiate Disc Golf Championships

2005-04-10T13:20:00.000-05:00

So i have been playing a little bit of disc golf with some of the students that I work with at Vanderbilt. When I say 'have been playing' I mean that I have played 4 times in my life. Its much harder than you think, and if you are good at ultimate frisbee, you will be terrible at disc golf(different throwing technique). Last Wednesday at RUF, the group of guys that I have been playing with asked me if I wanted to go play in a disc golf tournament with them on Saturday. It took me a while since the Masters is on this weekend and I had planned on watching for about 4 hours on Saturday, but I agreed.

We traveled to Bowling Green, Kentucky (about 1hr from Nashville) to go play in the tournament. When we showed up at the registration at 9:30, John Trapp(another guy who isn't very good) and I found at that we were playing in the United States Collegiate Disc Golf Championships. It was that easy. I walked up, gave them $20, and I was a post-collegiate collegiate athlete playing in the national championship. It doesn't get much better than that.

I quickly took my shirt off, which was half way expected and began practicing putting. I stretched with John, and we headed off for the scramble part of the tourney. John and I's goal was to shoot 5 over par, and we shot 3 over so we were pretty excited about that. Then came lunch and a move to a different course for the individual competition. I have never played individually before, so i was nervous. My goal was simply not to get last. I played like crap, said a few cuss words(as if i am good enough to cuss?) and finished by shooting 15 over. BUT, I didn't get last. I beat one of the other guys on the Vanderbilt team who has been playing for 3 years.

Turns out, it was a two day tournament, but several of us didn't go back for day 2. But, for those who stayed the night and played round 2, there was a huge party last night and most people were going to sleep in tents. That would probably be an interesting thing to go to...

What I learned at the 2005 USCDGC:
1. People who play disc golf are cool in a disc golf kind of way
2. You can drink beer while playing in the USCDGC (i was with students, so i abstained)
3. Many people smoke pot while playing in the USCDGC (again, i abstained)
4. Disc Golfers are a sub-culture.
5. Girls who play disc golf somehow are more attractive than other girls. In normal life, I don't think that i would think they were cute, but they kicked my butt so hard in the individuals that they became cute.
6. There is a pro disc golfer named HB who lives in Bowling Green. He is a little scary(in a dirty old man kind of way), and he didn't wear a shirt yesterday either. He should have worn a shirt.

I hope yall enjoyed this, I sure did, and I look to make a bit more of a run at the 2006 USCDGC than i did this year.

2005-04-06T15:17:00.000-05:00

Tiger and Steve Williams

2005-04-06T15:16:00.001-05:00

Tiger practicing putting right after he holed out for eagle on #9

2005-04-06T15:16:00.000-05:00

More Clubhouse Beauty

2005-04-06T15:15:00.001-05:00

Can you hit a fade? Tee box #18

2005-04-06T15:15:00.000-05:00

From the tee box on #17

2005-04-06T15:14:00.001-05:00

Number 16

2005-04-06T15:14:00.000-05:00

Azaleas abound

2005-04-06T15:13:00.001-05:00

My personal favorite hole, #13

2005-04-06T15:13:00.000-05:00

Number 12

2005-04-06T15:12:00.000-05:00

Luke List (Vanderbilt Sophomore) and his group on #10

2005-04-06T15:11:00.000-05:00

Number 9 with the clubhouse in background

2005-04-06T15:10:00.003-05:00

Charles Howell III and his caddie walking up to 7 green

2005-04-06T15:10:00.002-05:00

Perfection

2005-04-06T15:10:00.001-05:00

Beautiful (the flowers)

2005-04-06T15:10:00.000-05:00

John Daly following up a 360yd drive

2005-04-06T15:07:00.000-05:00

Number 9 with the clubhouse in background

2005-04-06T15:02:00.000-05:00

Green everywhere

2005-04-06T14:59:00.000-05:00

The Clubhouse